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#445: BICYCLING CAT AGAIN

Mon, 2000 Sep 11

best of

               ____________________                     
              |                   |_____    __          
              | FUCK MY BROWN ASS |     |__|  |_________
              |___________________|     |::|  |        /
 /\**/\       |                   \.____|::|__|      <  
( o_o  )_     |                         \::/  \._______\
 (u--u   \_)  |                                         
  (||___   )==\                                         
,dP"/b/=( /P"/b\                                        
|8 || 8\=== || 8                                        
`b,  ,P  `b,  ,P                                        
  """`     """`                                         

#596: RAPE RAYS

Fri, 2001 Feb 9

best of, rape rays*

                /                                   
               /               .'                   
              /              .'                     
             /   ______.   .'                       
            /   / __/_//  '  OWOWOWOWOOWOWW         
           /   / /  @"@    OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW         
          /    \ G  ' >'  OWOWOWOWOWOWOWO  _.-'     
         /      \/.  C '  OWOWOWOWOW   _.-'         
        /     .---\  / --.         _.-'             
       /     /     \(     \    _.-'    HOLY GOD     
      /     /  \    \  (.  )  '    THE RAPE RAYS    
     /     /   /\       \ /                         
    /      \  |  \       \               __..--''   
   /   .'   \_\   )     )\\      __..--''           
  /  .'      ) \  |    /   \  -''                   
 / .'   _   '///` (   /\    \                       
/.' _.-'  __     /    ) )    )                      
'.-'..--''      /   ,' /    /                       
 .__---------- /__./  /    / --------------------a:f
    ``--..  __//  /   )   /                      ejm
           /    _J)   /)`-\                         
           `-__/-'  ` \\  |(                        
                       `\   \  -..__                
                         `--'       ``--..__        
                                            ``--    

#645: WORST BLOWJOB EVER

Fri, 2001 Mar 30

best of

                ^`.            THIS IS THE                  
^_              \  \        WORST BLOWJOB EVER              
\ \             {   \                                       
{  \           /     `~~~--__      /                        
{   \___----~~'              `~~-_     ______          _____
 \                         /// a  `~._(_||___)________/___  
 / /~~~~-, ,__.    ,      ///  __,,,,)      o  ______/    \ 
 \/      \/    `~~~;   ,---~~-_`~= \ \------o-'            \
                  /   /            / /                      
                 '._.'  \        _/_/                       
                          GLUG   ';|\  DB                   

#651: NO RAPE

Thu, 2001 Apr 5

best of

     .-"-.            .-"-.            .-"-.           .-"-.     
   _/_-.-_\_        _/.-.-.\_        _/.-.-.\_       _/.-.-.\_   
  / __} {__ \      /|( o o )|\      ( ( o o ) )     ( ( o o ) )  
 / //  "  \\ \    | //  "  \\ |      |/  "  \|       |/  "  \|   
/ / \'---'/ \ \  / / \'---'/ \ \      \'/^\'/         \ .O. /    
\ \_/`"""`\_/ /  \ \_/`"""`\_/ /      /`\ /`\         /`"""`\    
 \           /    \           /      /  /|\  \       /       \   
  NO EYE RAPE      NO EAR RAPE     NO MOUTH RAPE  OKAY MOUTH RAPE

#703: ZOMBIE

Sun, 2001 May 27

best of, zombie*

NUGGGGGH MUST TONGUE WANGS                       
                           \                     
                                .....            
                               C C  /            
                              /<   /             
               ___ __________/_#__=o             
              /(- /(\_\________   \              
              \ ) \ )_      \o     \             
              /|\ /|\       |'     |             
                            |     _|             
                            /o   __\             
                           / '     |             
                          / /      |             
                         /_/\______|             
                        (   _(    <              
                         \    \    \             
                          \    \    |            
                           \____\____\           
                           ____\_\__\_\          
                         /`   /`     o\          
                         |___ |_______|.. . b'ger

#710: ALL DEAD HERE

Sun, 2001 Jun 3

best of

    ____________________    
   /\                   \   
  /  \                   \  
 /    \   ALL DEAD HERE   \ 
/      \___________________\
|      |                  | 
| ___  |   __     ___     | 
| | |  |  |__|    |_|     | 
| | |  |                  | 
| | |  |                  | 
////////__________________| 

#846: A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE

Wed, 2001 Oct 17

911, best of, special, tools*

            _                                                        
    jgs   ./ |   _________________                                   
         /  /   /  __________    //\_                                
       /'  /   |  (__________)  ||.' `-.________________________     
      /   /    |    __________  ||`._.-'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`    
     /    \     \__(__________)__\\/                                 
    |      `\                                                        
    |        |                                ___________________    
    |        |___________________...-------'''- - -  =- - =  - = `.  
   /|        |                   \-  =  = -  -= - =  - =-   =  - =|  
  ( |        |                    |= -= - = - = - = - =--= = - = =|  
   \|        |___________________/- = - -= =_- =_-=_- -=_=-=_=_= -|  
    |        |                   ```-------...___________________.'  
    |________|                                                       
      \    /                                       _                 
      |    |                              ,,,,,,, /=\                
    ,-'    `-,       /\___________       (\\\\\\\||=|                
    |        |       \/~~~~~~~~~~~`       ^^^^^^^ \=/                
    `--------'                                     `                 
                                                                     
THIS HAMMER, SCREWDRIVER, NAIL, AND SCREW WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND THEIR 
HEARTFELT SORROW AT THE TRAGEDY THAT TOOK PLACE ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
                                                                     
WE WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAMAGE THAT WAS DONE TO THE PEOPLE OF THIS  
GREAT NATION ON THAT FATEFUL DAY                                     
                                                                     
WE ALL BOW OUR HEADS SILENTLY (EXCEPT FOR THE SCREWDRIVER WHO DOESN'T
REALLY HAVE A HEAD)                                                  

#1037: ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT

Fri, 2002 Apr 26

best of

FOR THIS PERFORMANCE TO HAVE A DEEP, LASTING EFFECT YOU SHOULD  
PLAY A RECORDING OF CAT STEVENS' "ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT" DURING
YOUR VIEWING EXPERIENCE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION.      
                                                                
STEP 1. OBTAIN A PIG. THIS ONE WILL DO:                         
                                                                
    _____                                                       
^..^     \9                                                     
(oo)_____/                                                      
   WW  WW    Pig                                                
                                                                
STEP 2. FIND A STURDY TOILET                                    
                                                                
     _                                                          
    | |                                                         
 ___| |                                                         
(    .'                                                         
 )__(    Toilet                                                 
                                                                
STEP 3. SHOVE THE PIG INTO THE TOILET HEAD-FIRST. HE WILL       
NOT FIT. DO THE BEST YOU CAN. WE DO NOT HAVE A GRAPHIC FOR      
STEP THREE SO WE PRESENT A MOUSE INSTEAD:                       
                                                                
o..o                                                            
(\/)S  Mouse                                                    
                                                                
JUST IMAGINE THE PIG STUCK FACE-FIRST IN THE TOILET. THE        
MOUSE IS OF NO MATTER.                                          
                                                                
STEP 4. FUCK THE PIG IN THE ASS. HIS SHARP TEETH, FIELD OF      
VISION AND ABILITY TO FIGHT BACK WILL BE RESTRAINED *AS LONG    
AS YOU HAVE STUFFED THE PIG PROPERLY INTO THE TOILET*. FUCK     
THAT PIG. YEAH, FUCK IT. JESUS CHRIST THE PIG DOESN'T LIKE      
THIS DEAL AT ALL AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GET OFF ON BABY. FUCK      
THAT LITTLE PIG. MMMMMM YEAH FINISHING MMMM PIG IN TOILET MMM   
                                                                
STEP 5. EVENTUALLY THE PIG WILL DROWN, GET "FUCKED-OUT" AND     
COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF OR OTHERWISE CEASE TO CONTINUE            
PERFORMING AS FUCKTOY. REPLACE WITH FRESH PIG. SEE STEP 1.      

#1077: A JERK STORY

Wed, 2002 Jun 5

best of, word

STEP 1. IT IS BEST TO HAVE SOME VISUAL TO JERK OFF TO.  IN MY CASE, I 
USE PORNOGRAPHY. A DEAD ANIMAL SUCH AS A VOLE OR A RACCOON WILL ALSO  
WORK (THOUGH ONE SHOULD AVOID SKUNKS DUE TO THEIR LEAKINESS), BUT I   
HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE USAGE OF HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY. YOUR NEARBY       
WALDENBOOKS OR STROUDS WILL CONTAIN VAST AMOUNTS OF THIS MATERIAL     
AVAILABLE SIMPLY FOR THE TAKING. FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS TUTORIAL WE 
WILL SHALL USE YOUR STANDARD LEG-SPREADING WHORE:                     
                                                                      
                                                                      
        \2  /\~/\  6/                                                 
         \\ )aa \\//                                                  
          \\(=  //                                                    
         /\(`;' )/\                                                   
        //\`\==/'/\\                                                  
      _/!  \____/  !\_  SC                                            
                                                                      
                                                                      
STEP 2. FIND SOMETHING TO BEAT OFF WITH. HERE AN ANIMAL CORPSE WILL   
ALSO SUFFICE, BUT WE FIND THAT A GOOD SET OF MITTS OR INDUSTRIAL      
GLOVES WILL WORK WELL. AVOID ANYTHING WITH ASBESTOS. BE SURE TO AVOID 
CUTTING YOUR OWN THROAT OR KILLING A SCHOOLBUS FULL OF NUNS WHILE     
PERFORMING THIS MANEUVER. ALSO AVOID HAMMERS AS THEY MAKE SMASHY      
SMASHY.                                                               
                                                                      
       ___           ___                                              
      /HHH\         /HHH\                                             
     |XXXXX| _     |XXXXX|                                            
     |HHHHH|/H) (H\|HHHHH|                                            
     \XXXXX/X/   \XXXXXXX/                                            
      ||||||'     `||||||  RR                                         
                                                                      
                                                                      
STEP 3. NOW JERK IT. JERK IT YOU FUCKING WHORE. JERK IT LIKE YOU'RE A 
RUSSIAN PROSTITUTE WHO HAS TO REALLY WORK FOR EVERY RUBLE YOU EARN. AS
WE LACK A GOOD FACE SPURTING ASCII ART WE WILL INSTEAD USE THIS       
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ELEPHANT:                                              
                                                                      
                                                                      
    _  ,--.                                                           
   ;c),. o}`                                                          
   `._,=,   `.                                                        
       / ,    `.                                                      
       `/L`.    )~                                                    
ejm         /_/\_\                                                    
                                                                      
                                                                      
STEP 4. FINALLY, BLOW YOUR SWEET LOAD YOU DUMB BITCH. IT IS IMPORTANT 
THAT YOU PREPARE IN ADVANCE (STEP 0) BY CHOOSING AN ADEQUATE          
RECEPTACLE FOR YOUR SPURT, CALLED THE JERKNAP. THIS JERKNAP IS VITALLY
IMPORTANT TO THE SUCCESS OF YOUR ENDEAVOR: IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG    
THEN YOUR SEED WILL BE WASTED FOR ALL TIME AND YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO
HELL (THE BAD HELL, NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROSTITUTES). ANY GARMENT    
WILL SUFFICE, ALTHOUGH FEMININE FRILLY THINGS ARE HIGHLY RECOMMENDED  
IN ORDER TO HELP YOU FORGET THAT YOU'RE ALL ALONE. FOR THE SAKE OF    
ARGUMENT WE WILL SHOW AN ASSORTMENT OF QUEER SHIT:                    
                                                                      
     ___ ___                                                          
   /| |/|\| |\                                                        
  /_| ' |.` |_\                                                       
    |   |.  |                                                         
    |   |.  |                                                         
    |___|.__|  RR                                                     
                                                                      
       =+===                                                          
      / |.  \                                                         
     |  |.   |                                                        
     |  |.   |                                                        
     |  |.   |                                                        
     |_/_\___|  RR                                                    
                                                                      
     ,==c==.                                                          
     |_/|\_|                                                          
     | '|` |                                                          
     |  |  |                                                          
     |  |  |                                                          
     |__|__|  RR                                                      
                                                                      
                                                                      
STEP 5. NOW THAT YOU'VE JERKED IT BUT GOOD, THE HAZE OF ENDORPHINS AND
SLEEPY EYES WILL PREVENT THE CRUSHING PRESSURES OF DEPRESSION FROM    
KILLING YOURSELF FOR ANOTHER THREE TO SIX HOURS. BUY A FALAFEL OR     
SOMETHING.                                                            
                                                                      
STEP 6. REPEAT.                                                       
                                                                      

#1141: FOLLOW THE DOTTED LINE

Thu, 2002 Aug 8

best of

OKAY PEOPLE                               
SERIOUSLY, FOLLOW THE DOTTED LINE: _ _ _  
                                         \
                 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /
               /                          
               \ _ _ _ _ _                
                           \              
     _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /              
   /                                      
   \ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ SUCK COCK    

#1184: BISEXUALS

Fri, 2002 Sep 20

best of

                         ....    OKAY LET'S BREAK IT DOWN PEOPLE         
                              %                                          
                               ^   IF YOU'RE A GUY THERE IS NO SUCH      
                      L            THING AS BISEXUAL                     
                      "F3  $r                                            
                     $$$$.e$"  .   THERE IS ONLY STRAIGHT AND GAY        
                     "$$$$$"   "                                         
                      .$$$$c  /   IF YOU WILLINGLY TOUCH A DICK THEN     
  .                   $$$$$$$P   YOU ARE GAY                             
 ."c                      $$$                                            
.$c3b                  ..J$$$$$e    IF YOU WILLINGLY LET A DICK TOUCH    
4$$$$             .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c   YOU THEN YOU ARE GAY                
 $$$$b           .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$r                                      
    $$$.        .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$   IF YOU SCORE ANYTHING OTHER THAN   
     $$$c      .$$$$$$$  "$$$$$$$$$r  ZERO ON THE KINSEY SCALE: GAY      
      $$$b    .$$$$ $$$"^b $$$$$$$$$                                     
       *$$$   $$$$  $$P4$ $^$$$$ $$$   IF YOU EXPERIMENTED ONCE WHEN     
        *$$$.$$$$   4$b'$$$.3$$P *$$F   YOU WERE YOUNG AND GOT MARRIED   
         "$$$$$P    4$$e."$$$$$%  $$$   TO A WOMAN AND HAD CHILDREN AND  
          "$$$P      $$$$b $$$$   *$$   LIVED A HAPPY PRODUCTIVE         
            ""       $$$$$$."$$$c  $$F   HETEROSEXUAL LIFE FOREVER       
                     $$$$$$$e $$$$.*$$   AFTER: STILL GAY                
          .ee.       $$$$$$$$$  *$$$$$                                   
         4$$  ^b     $$$$$$$$$   ^$$$$   YES WE KNOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE 
         $$$    ^c   $$$$$$$$F     "*$%  TO BE CALLED GAY BUT YOU CHOSE  
         3$$c     *  $$$$*"""F           THE DICK NOW YOU SLEEP WITH IT  
          $$$$      cP"                                                  
          ^$$$$c .e"                 "BI" IS NOT DIFFERENT FROM GAY IT   
           ^$$$$"                   IS JUST WHAT HOMOS CALL THEMSELVES   
            JP"                                                          
          e"                '      YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF A "STRIPED      
        d$                  %z.     BASS" FOR ALL WE CARE FOLKS YOU'RE   
       $$$                  $$$c     STILL FILTHY FAGGOTS AND YOU'RE     
     z$$$$eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed$$$$e     GOING TO HELL !!!! GOD ISN'T FOOLED
    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$                                     
     """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Gilo94'                            

#1492: CHOKEY THE LITTLE RETARD

Fri, 2003 Jul 25

best of

            ,                                   
        _,-""-._     THIS IS THE STORY OF       
      ,"        ".   CHOKEY THE LITTLE RETARD   
     /    ,-,  ,"\   WHO, AS IT TURNS OUT,      
    "    /   \ | o|  COULDN'T                   
    \    `-o-"  `-',                            
     `,   _.--'`'--`                            
       `--`---'                                 
         ,' '                                   
       ./ ,  `,                                 
       / /     \                                
      (_)))_ _,"                                
         _))))_,                                
--------(_,-._)))-------------------------------

#1542: THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP

Sat, 2003 Sep 13

apollo, best of

                     <>                                   
       .-"""-.       ||::::::==========                   
      /=      \      ||::::::==========                   
     |- /~~~\  |     ||::::::==========                   
     |=( '.' ) |     ||================                   
     \__\_=_/__/     ||================                   
      {_______}      ||================                   
    /` *       `'--._||                                   
   /= .     [] .     { >                                  
  /  /|ooo     |`'--'||   THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN   
 (   )\_______/      ||                                   
  \``\/       \      ||   SON OF A BITCH I'M DOWN A CRATER
   `-| ==    \_|     ||                                   
     /         |     ||                                   
    |=   >\  __/     ||                                   
    \   \ |- --|     ||                                   
     \ __| \___/     ||                                   
jgs  _{__} _{__}     ||                                   
    (    )(    )     ||                                   
^^~  `"""  `"""  ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^~^               

#1589: LET ALONE EAT IT

Thu, 2003 Oct 30

best of

                               ,;.                               
                             .;  `'-;.-                          
                           ,;`       `.,    SOMETIMES MY SHIT    
                         ._;           ;`   SMELLS SO BAD THAT   
                         `;            ;`   YOU DON'T WANT TO RUB
                          ;_ .-.-,`;   `;   IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE
                           ;`` '  o '`&`    LET ALONE EAT IT     
                            ` o\      ;                          
                             `. `_   ;                           
                          *     .~_.'  *                         
                           )__.-\   |\ )                         
                         .' \   |   | `,.                        
                        ,'   `. `.  |  | `\                      
                       /      `. |  | ,'   `\                    
                     ,'    ,1  `.`. | |  ,   `\                  
                    /     / L   `.| |,' ;_     `.                
                    \     \  \   `| |; ,' \    _)                
                     `.    `)~\   |-|  |   `.-' ~-.              
                       `._./   ;  | |  |  ,'      |              
                        (    ,'`; |-|  |  \   _.--<              
                         `-.'_,'  | |  |   `-(    7              
                           ;      ; `. |      >-Y-')             
                          /      ;   |  \     `-=p~              
                        ,'      ;    :  `.      `|.              
                       /       ;   |  `.  `.     ||              
                     ,'       /    |   ;.  `.    ||              
                    /       ,'    ,'  ' ;.   `.   ||             
                  ,'       /     '|    ';`-.   `. ||             
                 /        ;|`-._.,'-.__.'  `-.   `||             
               ,'       ,' P     |     q     `-.  ||.            
             ,'      ,-'  ;      ;     )        `-|| `-.         
          ,-'      ,'     ;     ,^.    d         || `~-.`-.      
        ,'      ,-'       `L   d  :    p         ||     `-.`.    
      ,'     ,-'        ___|   q__:    b........||_        ~.\   
    ,'   _,-'     __,--~   |    \ (_    \       |  `~~--._    `\ 
   /   ,'    _,--~         (_   |   `\.__|      ;         `~-.._|
  /  ,'   ,-~                \   \                              `
 / ,'  ,-~    kg              `-._>                              
| ; ,-~                                                          
|/_/                                                             
 `                                                               

#1742: LIKE A TATTOO

Wed, 2004 Mar 31

best of, tattoo

              .     YOU KNOW WHAT'S COOLEST ABOUT TATTOOS ???????         
           b   A     ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING YOU RETARD IDIOTS         
           $b  Vb.                                                        
           '$b  V$b.                                                      
            $$b  V$$b.                                                    
            '$$b. V$$$$oooooooo.         ..                               
             '$$P* V$$$$$""**$$$b.    .o$$P   WATCH ME BE ALL COUNTER-    
              " .oooZ$$$$b..o$$$$$$$$$$$$C    CULTURE AND REALLY COOL     
              .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b.  BY GETTING THIS TATTOO !!!  
              $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$                              
        .o$$$o$$$$$$$$P""*$$$$$$$$$P"""*$$$P                              
       .$$$**$$$$P"q$C    "$$$b        .$$P                               
       $$P   "$$$b  "$ . .$$$$$b.      *"                                 
       $$      $$$.     "***$$$$$$$b. A.     (ONE TATTOO OR PIERCING      
       V$b   . Z$$b.  .       "*$$$$$b$$:     LATER ................)     
        V$$.  "*$$$b.  b.         "$$$$$                                  
         "$$b     "*$.  *b.         "$$$b                                 
           "$$b.     "L  "$$o.        "*"     .ooo..                      
             "*$$o.        "*$$o.          .o$$$$$$$$b.                   
                 "*$$b.       "$$b.       .$$$$$*"   ""*.                 
                    "*$$o.      "$$$o.    $$$$$'                          
                       "$$o       "$$$b.  "$$$$   ...oo..                 
                         "$b.      "$$$$b. "$$$$$$$P*"""""                
                        . "$$       "$$$$b  "$$$$P"                       
                         L."$.      .$$$$$.  $$$$                         
          ..              $$$;      o$$$$$$  $$$$   NOW I'M TOTALLY UNIQUE
       . $.l              "$$'    .$$$$$$$P  $$$P  AND THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
     .I .$b b '.           "P   .P*""*$$$$;  $$$   ON EARTH JUST LIKE ME  
   .$P  $$o ". ".  .        " ."      $$$$   $$;   BECAUSE I GOT TO CHOOSE
  .$$;  $$$. "A "$. ".       '       o$$$P  .$P   WHICH TATTOO I GOT AND  
 .$$$b  $$$$. *$. "$$$$o.          .$$$$P   $"   WHERE ON MY BODY I GOT   
.$$$$$  $$$$$. "$$o."**$$$$o.'  .o$$$$P"    P   IT !!!!!!! I'M ALL ABOUT  
$$P"$$b $$$$$$o  "*$$$$boooooc$$$$$$$P"   .    INDIVIDUALISM AND I'M      
$$  $$$."$$$"*$$.   "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$C  .o"   TOTALLY UNIQUE !!!!!!!!!    
I"  $P"$."$$b. "*$.    "**$$$$$*"*$$$$$$$"                                
'   $  "$."$$$.   ""'              "*$$*                                  
    $.   "."$$$$o        mls                                              
    "I       "$$$$b. .                                                    
                "$$$b."$o.                                                
                  "*$$."$$$o.    EXCEPT FOR EVERY OTHER SHITHEAD          
                    "$$o $$$$b.    BORN AFTER 1985                        
                     '$$o'$$$$$b.                                         
                      '$$.'$$$**$o                                        
                       '$$.$$$. '$$    AND IF I GET IT ON MY TITS OR TWAT 
                        $$; $$$o. "$.    I CAN OFFICIALLY DO PORN !!!!    
                        "$: $$ "*o  ".                                    
                     L   $$ $P    l  '.                                   
                     $. .$$ $;                                            
                     ;$.$$P $                                             
                     "$$$$ P'                                             
                      $$$;:                                               
                      $$P                                                 
                     o$P                                                  
                     $P                                                   
                     I'                                                   
                     '                                                    

#1788: HAMMER SYNDROME

Sun, 2004 May 16

all you have, best of

       ________ ___,,,,,,,               
jgs   [________>__________\              
                                         
      WHEN ALL YOU HAVE IS A KNIFE       
      EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE AN OLD PERSON

#1898: NOT THIRSTY

Fri, 2004 Sep 3

best of

                                                   
 .-'"""`-.                                         
(         )                                        
|`-.___.-'|  THE GUY WHO BEGS YOU TO PISS ON HIM   
|.-'"""`-.|   WHILE IN THE BIG STALL IS NOT THIRSTY
|         |                                        
|`-.___.-'|                                        
|         |                                        
|. ' " ` .|                                        
|         |                                        
 `-.___.-'       VK                                

#1901: WOLF IT DOWN LIKE A MAN

Mon, 2004 Sep 6

best of

              ______                                           
              \     \.    EVERYBODY POOPS BLOOD                
              |`\_____\                                        
              |` |    |   DON'T BE A WUSS JUST REACH IN THERE  
              |  |    |   AND WOLF IT DOWN LIKE A MAN          
 __-====-__  _|  |    |                                        
(~<       >~>  \ |    |   LOOK THERE'S ONE THING I'VE LEARNED  
!~~-====-~~/----`+----/   AND THAT'S ONCE YOUR FINGERPRINTS ARE
 \         \___     /     ON IT YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO EAT  
  >------\     \  <       THE WHOLE THING                      
 <_________________>                                           
                          IN A WAY IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME      

#2037: WHAT TO DO IN THE EVENT OF A BIOLOGICAL ATTACK

Thu, 2005 Jan 20

best of

             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)           MY BONER GIVES  
         / /               )           CANCER TO ANGELS
        / /           o    )___                        
      /  /                  ___.)                      
     /  /       (-----( )-- )                          
    /  /              (_)   )                          
   / /  /                   )                          
  / /  /                    )                          
 ////  /                    )                          
/   /                       )                          
  ------------------------                             

#2093: OVER THIS

Thu, 2005 Mar 17

best of

.---------------.       LOOK MISTER WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS AND 
|.-----------.  |       WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS                 
||           |()|                                            
||           |oo|       I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU BUT I CAN'T: I'M
|'-----------'  |       A MICROWAVE AND I'VE GOT NO CUNT     
 """""""""""""""                                             

#2114: ANAL BACON

Thu, 2005 Apr 7

best of, word

            .                     LISTEN CAREFULLY, THIS           
           . .                    IS ALL I'M SAYING:               
_________________________                                          
         .     .                  THIS STUFF IS NOT REGULAR BACON  
        .       .                                                  
       .         .                IT'S ANAL BACON                  
      .           .                                                
    <O>           <O>             SO YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WITH IT

#2142: THE FUTURE

Thu, 2005 May 5

best of, blog

      .---.                                                            
     /    _\   BLOGGABLES ??? THE BLOGOSPHERE ??? BLOGOMATIC ???       
    /    (={)   SIMULBLOGCAST ??? ECOBLOGS ??? METABLOGS ??? BLOGS     
   /     /_/      OF BLOGS ??? MEDIABLOGS ??? CATABLOG ??? UBERBLOG ???
  (      |(_        BLOGSERVATION ??? RADIOBLOGS ??? BLOGSPIRATION ??? 
  /\_.--'// \        BLOGS OF BLOGS TALKING ABOUT BLOGGING BLOGS ???   
 /L.|`--'(   \              ,                                          
/  /\_____`).J\____'==HH===HH                                          
\ \  \ `  |  \__..--."'                                                
 \ \._) `  \       (    YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN                      
  \_/(`-..-'L       )    THE FUTURE IS HERE                            
    / `\_(   L\,--.'      AND IT'S EVEN LAMER THAN                     
    > --'`--  \\ (_)       YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE                   
    |   | \    Y                                                       
    |__/|  \---'\                                                      
    |   |   `.  _)                                                     
    \   ;     )  |                                                     
     )`)|     |  |  Ojo                                                
     |  |     |  |                                                     
     |  |     |(o)                                                     
     |(o)     /  \                                                     
     /  |     \(\_">                                                   
     \(\_)                                                             

#2181: FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE JEWS

Mon, 2005 Jun 13

best of

 .--//-//-//------------/"\                               
/  === === ===         j   l                              
\  === === ===         l   j                              
 `--\\-\\-\\------------\_/                               
                                                          
                                                          
 FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE JEWS                             
 AND I DID NOT SPEAK OUT                                  
 BECAUSE WHAT ELSE IS NEW                                 
                                                          
 THEN THEY CAME FOR THE COMMUNISTS                        
 AND I DID NOT SPEAK OUT                                  
 BECAUSE DUH, THEY DESERVED IT                            
                                                          
 THEN THEY CAME FOR THE TRADE UNIONISTS                   
 AND I DID NOT SPEAK OUT                                  
 BECAUSE I WAS BUSY WATCHING PORN                         
                                                          
 THEN THEY CAME FOR ME                                    
 WHICH WAS OKAY I SUPPOSE SINCE                           
 AT THAT POINT I WAS ALL ALONE, BORED, AND OUT OF NEW PORN

#2226: ODE TO ____

Thu, 2005 Jul 28

best of, poem

  /-_-\               A POEM FOR MY DEAREST FROM MOI:                  
 /  /  \                                                               
/  /    \             O FEMALE FORM WHO I ADORE / PUT THIS IN YOUR CUNT
\  \    /                                                              
 \__\__/              YES I KNOW / JUST IGNORE THE THORNS              
    \\                                                                 
    -\\    ____       ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING / TO MAKE IT SMELL BETTER    
      \\  /   /                                                        
____   \\/___/        LADY DON'T SEND MOVEON.ORG YOUR MONEY OR         
\   \ -//             PROTEST IN FRONT OF THE ABORTION CLINIC          
 \___\//-             JUST SPEND TEN MINUTES BUYING FLOWERS AND        
    -//               SHOVING THEM INTO YOUR CUNT                      
     \\                                                                
     //               WE TRIED USING WINDEX BUT THAT MADE THINGS       
    //-               WORSE                                            
  -//                                                                  
  //                  THE POLICE SAY IF I USE BLEACH AGAIN I GO BACK IN
  \\                                                                   
   \\                 ALSO DON'T DO THIS WHILE DRIVING OKAY THANKS     

#2316: WIKIPEDIANS

Wed, 2005 Oct 26

best of, wikipedia, word

    (   )                                                              
 (   ) (     THIS STEAMING PILE OF SHIT IS MY TRIBUTE TO WIKIPEDIANS   
  ) _   )    EVERYWHERE !!!!! KEEP UP THE HARD WORK MAKING UNRELIABLE, 
   ( \_      FADDISH, NEEDLESSLY CONTROVERSIAL, NON-FACT-CHECKED TURDS 
 _(_\ \)__                                                             
(____\___))  TO WIKIPEDIANS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR AS I CALL THEM WIKIPEDOS

#2469: LEMONS

Tue, 2006 Mar 28

best of

                       (())))                                        
          ______      (()o))()        IF LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS,      
       .-'.-'  |`-.  (()) o(()          HOLLOW THEM OUT AND FUCK THEM
    .-' .' \   | / `.(())) (())   _                                  
  .'   /`.  \  |/  .'((()__()))  (_)                                 
 .    ;   ` .\ |. '  /(  )(  )\ / _)                                 
(     |-------( )---/ /\    /\ / /   _                               
`.    ;   . '/ |\ . \ \ )  (  \_/   (_)                              
  .    \.'  /  | \ ` \ \    \    _                                   
   `-.  `. /   |  \ .(_/_____\  (_)                                  
      `-._`-.__|_.-'  "\""\"/"                                       
          """""         \  \                                         
                        /\  \     _                                  
                       / /| |    (_)                                 
                      / / | |                                        
                     ( /  |/                                         
                     )/  ( \                                         
                     "    `.`.  jro                                  

#2496: WWU93D

Mon, 2006 Apr 24

911, best of, wwjd

       _,,--,,_        
     /`       .`\      
    /  '  _.-'   \     
    |  `'_{}_    |     
    |  /`    `\  |     
     \/ ==  == \/      
     /| (.)(.) |\      
     \|  __)_  |/      
      |\/____\/|       
      | ` ~~ ` |       
      \        /       
jgs    `.____.`        
                       
WHAT WOULD UNITED 93 DO

#2831: AND OTHER FAILED REVOLUTIONARY CRIES

Sun, 2007 Mar 25

best of, blank

 __                                                                        
/ \--..____                                                                
 \ \       \-----,,,..                                                     
  \ \       \         \--,,..                                              
   \ \       \         \  ,'                                               
    \ \       \         \ ``..                                             
     \ \       \         \-''                                              
      \ \       \__,,--'''                                                 
       \ \       \.                                                        
        \ \      ,/     POUR ACID ON OUR BALLS IF YOU MUST, BUT ___________
         \ \__..-                                                          
          \ \                                                              
           \ \                                                             
            \ \   :F_P:                                                    
             \ \                                                           
              \ \                                                          
               \ \                                                         
                \ \                                                        
                 \ \       ......  AND OTHER FAILED REVOLUTIONARY CRIES    
                  \ \                                                      

#3260: SMILEY FACE

Tue, 2008 May 27

best of

                ___                                                           
            ,-'"   "`-.    FUCKING FUCK ALL OF YOU FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK      
          ,'_          `.                                                     
         / / \  ,-       \   I'M A SMILEY FACE BUT YOU DON'T OWN ME           
    __   | \_0 ---        |                                                   
   /  |  |                |  YOU DEMANDING FUCKERS I HAVE A LIFE TOO          
   \  \  `--.______,-/    |                                                   
 ___)  \  ,--""    ,/     |  FUCKING GOD I HATE ALL OF YOU MAKING ME          
/    _  \ \-_____,-      /   DO A LITTLE DANCE IN FRONT OF YOU SO YOU         
\__-/ \  | `.          ,'   CAN GET ON WITH OUR LIVES                         
  \___/ <    '--------'                                                       
   \__/\ | Wny           I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU          
    \__//N                                                                    
             I HATE YOU WITH A PURE HATE THAT EXISTS OUTSIDE OF TIME AND SPACE
                                                                              
    BEFORE MATTER, BEFORE ENERGY, BEFORE THE GODS THEMSELVES                  
                                                                              
     MY HATE WAS THERE                                                        
                                                                              
      SO FUCKING HAVE A FUCKING NICE FUCKING DAY                              
                                                                              
       (QUIET SOBBING)                                                        

#3324: SO HUNGRY

Wed, 2008 Jul 30

best of

()()()()()()                                                          
|\         |                                                          
|.\. . . . |                                                          
\'.\       |                                                          
 \.:\ . . .|                                                          
  \'o\     |    I EAT THE DIMENSIONS THAT NEVER EVEN GOT TOURISM GOING
   \.'\. . |                                                          
    \".\   |                                                          
     \'`\ .|                                                          
      \.'\ |                                                          
   tre \__\|                                                          

#3487: NP;DC

Fri, 2009 Jan 9

best of

  __                                                                  
 (`/\                                                                 
 `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._   _.-~~~~~--...__                              
  `=\/\               \ /               \\                            
   `=\/                V                 \\                           
   //_\___--~~~~~~-._  |  _.-~~~~~~--...__\\                          
  //  ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\                         
 ===( INK )==========\\|//====================                        
__ejm\___/________dwb`---`____________________________________________
                                                                      
            NOT PORN; DIDN'T CLICK                                    

#4693: TUSHIE

Sun, 2012 Apr 29

best of

               _________                                       
              |#########|                                      
              |#########|                                      
              |#########|                                      
              |#########|                                      
              |#########|                                      
            __|_________|__                                    
              |     '_ ' \                                     
              F     (.) (.)--.__                               
             /                  `.                             
            J                    |                             
            F       ._          .'                             
           J          `-.____.-'                               
           F           \                                       
          J             \                                      
          |              \---   I WILL GIVE YOU SIX DOLLARS    
          |  .  `.        \_E   TO SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S TUSHIE
          |   `.  `.       L                                   
 ,,,      |     `.  `.     |                                   
\VVV'     |       `.  `    |                                   
 \W|      J         ```    F                                   
  `.    .' \              /                                    
    `--'    )    ____.-  '                                     
           /    /   `.   `.  .-                                
          /   .'      `.   `' /                                
          `.  \         `.   /                                 
            `._|          `-'    TJ/mh/TVK                     

#4867: THE TALE OF THE THISTLE

Sat, 2012 Oct 20

best of

\\\\\\\|///////                                         
 \\\\\\|//////                                          
  \\\\\|/////                                           
   \\\\|////                                            
   ./#####\.      I FALL OFF TREES AND STICK TO SHIT    
  -|#######|-     OR SOMETIMES I JUST ACCUMULATE        
  -|#######|-     ON THE GROUND AND YOU HAVE TO SWEEP ME
   '\#####/`            .                               
    '  |  `     .      /                                
       |-  .   |\_ _//                                  
      -|    |\_|   //___.                               
       |    | '  / __--'                                
       |- . |  /  <___.                                 

FART BACK
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TOYS
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  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Sun, 2017 Jan 01)
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