> HOME
> CURRENT
> RANDOM
> BEST OF
> RSS FEED
> CONTACT
    _    ____   ____ ___ ___      _         _     _____          _       
   / \  / ___| / ___|_ _|_ _|    / \   _ __| |_  |  ___|_ _ _ __| |_ ___ 
  / _ \ \___ \| |    | | | |    / _ \ | '__| __| | |_ / _` | '__| __/ __|
 / ___ \ ___) | |___ | | | |   / ___ \| |  | |_  |  _| (_| | |  | |_\__ \
/_/   \_\____/ \____|___|___| /_/   \_\_|   \__| |_|  \__,_|_|   \__|___/
"IF I CAN'T PAINT WIDE AND FAR WITH THIS BRUSH THEN WHY AM I HOLDING IT"
BY NUMBER <
BY TITLE <
BY DATE <
BY DAY <
BY CALENDAR <
BY KEYWORD <

2010 (6)
24 (8)
911 (30)
aaliyah (7)
adventure (3)
al franken (2)
al gore (2)
al qaeda (2)
alice cooper (2)
alien (4)
aliens colonial marines (2)
all you have (3)
allegra (2)
am i right (17)
amazon (2)
anal* (5)
android (2)
anger* (5)
anime (18)
anna nicole smith (3)
annie ascii (6)
answer bear* (3)
apollo (11)
apple (8)
aquatic* (5)
aria giovanni (4)
asia carrera (2)
asperger (19)
atari (4)
aurora jolie (2)
australia (3)
babylon 5 (3)
bailout (4)
battlefield (16)
battlestar galactica (8)
bbc (2)
beatles (2)
bejeweled (2)
berserkers (2)
best of (33)
best part (12)
beyonce (2)
bible (2)
bionic woman (2)
blank (3)
blog (52)
bob marley (2)
bobby brown (4)
bolo santosi (2)
boner* (3)
bravo (8)
brazil (4)
bright (2)
british (2)
britney spears (3)
brokeback mountain (2)
bush (6)
call of duty (7)
calvin (2)
camgirl (9)
canada (12)
carl sagan (2)
cassini (3)
census (2)
chalkboard (2)
chaps* (3)
charlie sheen (2)
cheers (2)
christmas (15)
clam* (3)
cold war (4)
communism (3)
confessions* (13)
conspiracy duck* (11)
contact (2)
cosby show (4)
cosmos (3)
counter-strike (3)
creampie (3)
critic (4)
crucicaption (6)
crysis (6)
daylight savings (2)
dean (32)
defcon (3)
derek smart (4)
desirae (2)
deus ex (3)
diabetes (4)
dickwolves (3)
die hard (4)
dilbert (6)
disney (25)
doctor who (3)
dont hate me (2)
doom (9)
dot (2)
douglas adams (2)
down syndrome (4)
dr. dre (2)
dr. who (2)
duke nukem (3)
dune (4)
eaten* (2)
einstein (2)
election 2004 (7)
election 2008 (33)
election 2010 (2)
election 2012 (9)
ellen degeneres (2)
er (2)
escher (2)
esperanto (2)
eve online (2)
everybody loves raymond (3)
facebook (9)
family guy (3)
far cry (2)
fear (2)
figlet (37)
filk (2)
flea* (5)
flintstones (3)
football (2)
fred friendly (3)
freespace (6)
french (12)
fresh air (2)
friends (3)
funyuns (2)
garfield (5)
geography (7)
german (24)
gianna michaels (4)
gloria steinem (2)
gnutella (2)
god help me (2)
google (5)
grand theft auto (10)
gun free zones (2)
haiku (9)
haiti (4)
half-life (10)
halloween (2)
halo (4)
ham (2)
hamas (2)
hangin with jesus* (5)
harry potter (4)
harvey milk (2)
henry* (5)
hershey* (3)
hillary clinton (2)
hippies (7)
hitler (2)
hulk (3)
hurricane (7)
ice cube (3)
id software (2)
ideograms (4)
immigration (4)
inconsolable (2)
india (2)
infocom (3)
intelligent design (3)
iphone (3)
iran (5)
iraq (17)
isaac newton (3)
islam (28)
israel (3)
james burke (2)
jasmin st. claire (2)
jave (8)
jeopardy (3)
jerkcity (2)
jesus (19)
jewish (2)
jfk (2)
jimmy carter (3)
jody watley (2)
john f. kennedy (3)
john travolta (2)
jon stewart (3)
joseph kony (2)
jupiter (2)
just cause (3)
kari byron (2)
katamari (3)
kelis (2)
kilroy (2)
kindle (4)
kirara (3)
kirstie alley (3)
kiwi (3)
korean (3)
lady diana (2)
lady gaga (2)
latin (2)
law and order (10)
left 4 dead (3)
left eye (4)
linux (6)
logo (16)
lord of the rings (4)
lost (2)
lottery (2)
lucy lee (2)
lyrics (23)
macintosh (6)
marilyn manson (3)
mariska hargitay (2)
mash (5)
mass effect (8)
math (4)
matrix (5)
me neither (4)
mel gibson (3)
meme (5)
memento (2)
meta (2)
michael jackson (9)
michael moore (5)
michelin (2)
midori (2)
milf (4)
minecraft (4)
minotaur* (2)
monads (2)
mormon (2)
msnbc (2)
muppets (4)
myfreecams (6)
mythbusters (2)
nabis (2)
napster (3)
nasa (8)
nazi (12)
nerd boy (9)
net neutrality (2)
nethack (4)
newsgroup (47)
newsradio (2)
niven (2)
nobel prize (4)
north korea (3)
npr (4)
obama (12)
oceans thirteen (2)
oj simpson (2)
okcupid (2)
olympics (3)
onion (3)
open source (10)
original (56)
orkut (2)
osama bin laden (6)
p2p (4)
pac-man (6)
pajamas media (4)
panther (4)
particle (2)
patriot act (2)
peanuts (15)
pearl harbor (3)
penn and teller (2)
penny arcade (2)
perl (2)
perspective (6)
petition (7)
playstation (2)
please shut up* (2)
plonk (5)
pluto (6)
poem (4)
pokemon (6)
poker (13)
polyamory (3)
pooh (8)
porn (46)
pornstar (65)
portal (7)
powerpuff (2)
proposal (2)
python (2)
quake (8)
quebec (2)
queer eye (3)
r. kelly (3)
rage (2)
rape rays* (3)
red bull (3)
red dwarf (2)
rent (2)
richard stallman (2)
rihanna (3)
roger ebert (7)
roman polanski (2)
ron paul (4)
russian (2)
safe word (3)
sanrio (4)
sarah silverman (2)
saturday night live (3)
saving grace (2)
science fact (3)
scrubs (4)
seaquest (2)
second life (2)
seinfeld (2)
sesame (7)
sesame street (3)
shakespeare (3)
shield (3)
shitting* (3)
shutdown (2)
simple (20)
simpsons (8)
skeptic (3)
skull (2)
slashdot (4)
smurfs (3)
soccer (6)
south park (4)
space shuttle (5)
special (2)
spice girls (4)
spongebob (2)
spore (2)
squirtle (2)
star trek (35)
star wars (20)
starcraft (4)
starship troopers (2)
steve jobs (2)
strike (2)
super bowl (3)
sweden (2)
swine flu (3)
tattoo (9)
tax (6)
ted (6)
ted kennedy (3)
tensor (3)
terry gross (2)
tetris (2)
thanksgiving (3)
they might be giants (2)
third rock (2)
tina fey (2)
tlc (3)
togos (2)
tomb raider (4)
tools* (2)
topical (215)
transsexual (2)
transvestite (3)
treo (3)
trilogy* (2)
true story (3)
truther (2)
tsunami (5)
twitter (12)
u2 (3)
understatement (5)
usenet (9)
ussr (4)
uwe boll (2)
vanessa del rio (2)
vectrex (2)
vegan (2)
west wing (12)
wiccan* (10)
wii (2)
wiki (2)
wikileaks (2)
wikipedia (38)
will.i.am (2)
windows (5)
wishful thinking (8)
witchblade (3)
wolfenstein (5)
woody allen (3)
word (113)
world cup (3)
world of warcraft (2)
world war ii (5)
wwjd (3)
wyclef jean (2)
x-men (2)
xbox (2)
xkcd (2)
youtube (8)
zombie* (7)
zynga (2)

#597: TEN COMMANDMENTS

Sat, 2001 Feb 10

matrix

       -------The ASCII ART FART Ten Commandments.---------      
                                                                 
           \\\\`///                                              
           /  _  _|                  1/ NO COCKSUCKING ON DUTY   
          (\'('\/')                  2/ WHEN IT HURTS YOU YOU'VE 
    ______/(    >(__                    BOUGHT IT                
   /`-    \ \_=__| `\                3/ ARTISTS FORMERLY KNOWN AS
  /       /__(  _____\  _____           PRINCESS MUST OFFER FREE 
 /_ \.____    ,"     "."     ",__       BLOWJOBS                 
|    /   _\__/_       -       /  \   4/ IF ANYONE CALLS YOU BETTY
\/      /____  \ASCII FART FAQ ///      YOU GET TWO FREE JERKS   
 )     / /   \__\     -        |     5/ NO ONE LIKES A SORE DICK 
 '-.__|_/    ///| I      VI    |        (TOO MUCH JERKING)       
      \_     |        |        |     6/ HE WHO SMELLS IT FIRST   
        |    |   II      VII   |        DEALT IT                 
         \   |        |        |     7/ WHEN I POUND MY NUTS WITH
         /   |  III      VIII  |        A HAMMER IT BRINGS ME    
         \   |        |        |        CLOSER TO GOD            
          \_ |   IV      IX    |     8/ I FORGET                 
            \|        |        |     9/ ONCE UPON A TIME I ATE   
             |    V      X     |        RABBIT SHIT              
             |______b'ger______|    10/ THERE IS NO SPOON        

#2833: ZIONISTS

Tue, 2007 Mar 27

matrix

             /`\                                                       
            / : |                                                      
   _.._     | '/                                                       
 /`    \    | /    DOES THE TERM "ZIONIST" REFER TO PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY
|  .-._ '-"` (     SAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE TWO MATRIX SEQUELS AND  
|_/   /   o  o\    PRETENDED TO LIKE THEM OR WHAT                      
      |  =  () )=                                                      
       \  '--`/                                                        
       / ---<`                                                         
      | ,    \\                                                        
      | |     \\__                                                     
      / ;     |.__)                                                    
     (_/.-.   ;                                                        
    { `|   \_/                                                         
     '-\   / |    HOLD ON I HAVE TO FINISH MY COPY OF                  
        | /  |    "PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF THE MATRIX"              
       /  \  '-.                                                       
  jgs  \__|----'                                                       

#3051: ATTEND A RAVE

Wed, 2007 Oct 31

matrix

   ___O_____O_____O_____O_____O_____O_____O_____O_____O___      
     ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/  ( )/       
     (/    (/    (/    (/    (/    (/    (/    (/    (/         
_______\_____\_____\_____\_____\_____\_____\_____\_____\_____   
                                                                
    __O______O______O______O______O______O______O______O__      
   \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )  \ ( )       
     \ )    \ )    \ )    \ )    \ )    \ )    \ )    \ )       
_____/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/___ Keely
                                                                
      IF OUR CIVILIZATION IS EVER DESTROYED BY AI WHICH         
      WE CREATED THEN DURING A REBELLION WHEN THE ENEMY         
      IS ON ITS WAY TO WIPE US OUT FOR GOOD, LET'S RAVE         

#3223: IF YOU CANNOT SPEAK

Sun, 2008 Apr 20

matrix, me neither

   _,-.                                                             
,-'  _|                  EVER REWIND OVER AND OVER AGAIN THROUGH THE
|_,-O__`-._              INITIAL AGENT SMITH/NEO INTERROGATION SCENE
|`-._\`.__ `_.           IN THE MATRIX AND BEAT OFF                 
|`-._`-.\,-'_|  _,-'.                                               
     `-.|.-' | |`.-'|_     WHAT                                     
        |      |_|,-'_`.                                            
              |-._,-'  |     NO, ME NEITHER                         
         jrei | |    _,'                                            
              '-|_,-'          IT'S JUST A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION    

#4123: VOONING

Thu, 2010 Oct 7

matrix, word

                        I THINK SPOONING IS SO PRE-9/11     
      ________   .==.                                       
jgs  [________>c((_  )   INSTEAD I SUGGEST: VIOLENT SPOONING
                 '=='                                       
                        (THUS THREE IS INDEED A SPOON)      

FART BACK
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
CHAT#AAF @ EFnet on IRC
FOLLOW NEW!Conspiracy Duck @ Twitter
TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Sat, 2018 Sep 15)
MORE STUFF Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery, The ASCII Art Universe