_    ____   ____ ___ ___      _         _     _____          _       
   / \  / ___| / ___|_ _|_ _|    / \   _ __| |_  |  ___|_ _ _ __| |_ ___ 
  / _ \ \___ \| |    | | | |    / _ \ | '__| __| | |_ / _` | '__| __/ __|
 / ___ \ ___) | |___ | | | |   / ___ \| |  | |_  |  _| (_| | |  | |_\__ \
/_/   \_\____/ \____|___|___| /_/   \_\_|   \__| |_|  \__,_|_|   \__|___/

2010 (5) 24 (7) 911 (29) aaliyah (6) al franken (2) al gore (2) alien (3) all you have (3) am i right (17) anal* (5) anger* (5) anime (14) anna nicole smith (3) annie ascii (6) answer bear* (3) apollo (7) apple (5) aquatic* (5) aria giovanni (3) asia carrera (2) asperger (9) atari (3) aurora jolie (2) babylon 5 (3) bailout (4) battlefield (9) battlestar galactica (5) beatles (2) best of (31) best part (12) bionic woman (2) blank (3) blog (42) bobby brown (4) boner* (3) bravo (8) britney spears (3) brokeback mountain (2) bush (6) call of duty (2) calvin (2) canada (10) cassini (3) chalkboard (2) chaps* (3) cheers (2) christmas (11) clam* (3) cold war (2) confessions* (8) conspiracy duck* (10) cosby (3) counter-strike (2) creampie (3) critic (4) crucicaption (6) crysis (2) dean (32) defcon (3) derek smart (4) desirae (2) dilbert (6) disney (21) doctor who (3) don't hate me (2) doom (9) dot (2) dune (3) eaten* (2) election 2004 (7) election 2008 (33) ellen degeneres (2) er (2) escher (2) everybody loves raymond (3) facebook (6) family guy (3) fear (2) figlet (28) filk (2) flea* (3) fred friendly (3) freespace (4) french (11) friends (3) garfield (5) geography (7) german (16) gianna michaels (3) gnutella (2) god help me (2) google (5) grand theft auto (8) gun free zones (2) haiku (9) haiti (3) half-life (7) halo (4) harry potter (4) harvey milk (2) henry (5) hershey* (3) hillary clinton (2) hippies (7) hulk (3) hurricane (7) ideograms (4) immigration (4) inconsolable (2) iphone (2) iran (5) iraq (15) isaac newton (2) islam (21) james burke (2) jasmin st. claire (2) jeopardy (2) jerkcity (2) jesus (14) jimmy carter (3) jody watley (2) john travolta (2) jon stewart (3) kari byron (2) katamari (3) kindle (2) kirara (3) korean (2) law and order (9) left 4 dead (2) left eye (4) linux (6) logo (16) lord of the rings (3) lottery (2) lucy lee (2) lyrics (16) macintosh (5) marilyn manson (2) mariska hargitay (2) mash (5) math (4) matrix (3) meme (5) memento (2) meta (2) michael jackson (9) michael moore (5) midori (2) milf (4) mormon (2) msnbc (2) mythbusters (2) nabis (2) napster (2) nasa (3) nazi (9) nerd boy (8) net neutrality (2) nethack (4) newsgroup (44) niven (2) nobel prize (3) npr (3) obama (6) ocean's thirteen (2) oj simpson (2) onion (2) open source (9) original (30) orkut (2) osama bin laden (4) p2p (4) pac-man (4) pajamas media (3) panther (4) particle (2) patriot act (2) peanuts (15) perl (2) perspective (6) petition (5) please shut up* (2) pluto (5) poem (4) pokemon (3) poker (13) polyamory (3) pooh (8) porn (36) pornstar (62) portal (4) powerpuff (2) python (2) quake (6) quebec (2) queer eye (3) r. kelly (3) rape rays* (3) red dwarf (2) rent (2) richard stallman (2) rihanna (2) roger ebert (6) roman polanski (2) ron paul (2) russian (2) sanrio (3) sarah silverman (2) saturday night live (3) scrubs (3) seaquest (2) second life (2) sesame (7) sesame street (3) shakespeare (3) shitting* (3) shuttle (2) simple (6) simpsons (8) skull (2) slashdot (4) south park (4) special (2) spice girls (3) spongebob (2) spore (2) star trek (26) star wars (14) starcraft (3) starship troopers (2) strike (2) swine flu (3) tattoo (9) tax (6) ted (4) ted kennedy (3) tensor (3) tetris (2) thanksgiving (3) they might be giants (2) third rock (2) tina fey (2) tlc (3) togos (2) tomb raider (4) tools* (2) topical (138) transsexual (2) transvestite (3) treo (2) true story (3) truther (2) tsunami (4) twitter (7) u2 (2) understatement (5) usenet (9) ussr (3) uwe boll (2) vanessa del rio (2) vegan (2) west wing (12) wiccan* (9) wii (2) wiki (2) wikipedia (35) will.i.am (2) wishful thinking (8) witchblade (3) wolfenstein (5) woody allen (2) word (71) world war ii (2) wwjd (3) xbox (2) xkcd (2) zombie* (5)

#1480: IT'S THE ANSWER BEAR Sun, 2003 Jul 13 answer bear* DEAR ANSWER BEAR FIRST I'D LIKE TO SAY I LOVE THE SHOW NEVER MISS A SINGLE EPISODE SO ON TO MY QUESTION BASICALLY I HAVE TERTIARY PNEUMONIA AND SOME SERIOUS RASHES AND THE LIKE FROM MY ADVANCING AIDS DUE TO TOUCHING AND SUCKING THINGS I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TOUCHED AND SUCKED SO IS THERE SOME SORT OF SALVE OR LOTION I CAN RUB ON MY CHOPS THAT WILL CLEAR THIS UP SINCERELY, FAGGOT FROM FARGO THE ANSWER BEAR ANSWERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,^~~~-. .-~~~"-. : .--. \ / .--. \ : ( .-`<^~~~-: : ) : `. `-,~ ^- ' .' `-: ,.-~ .' `. ,' @ @ | : __ ; ...{ (__) ,----. / `. ,' ,--. `. | `.,___ , : : : | .' ~~~~ \ / : \.. / `. `--' .' | ~----~ | FILE A BUG FATTY | #1528: IT'S THE ANSWER BEAR II Sat, 2003 Aug 30 answer bear*, creampie DEAR ANSWER BEAR LONG TIME LISTENER FIRST TIME CALLER MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOR ALMOST SIX MONTHS AND FINALLY TODAY HE SAID HE WANTED TO GO "ALL THE WAY" AND EVEN THOUGH I'M VERY RELIGIOUS I THOUGHT YOU KNOW I SHOULD PROBABLY PUT OUT OR THE GUY'S GOING TO GO HIRE SOME PROSTITUTES ANYWAY SO WE PICK A NIGHT AND MUCH TO MY SURPRISE I FIND OUT THAT "ALL THE WAY" MEANS HORRIBLE FISTING, ANAL, CREAMPIES, BUKKAKE, AND MUD FUN FOR SIX HOURS STRAIGHT NEEDLESS TO SAY I'M FILTHY, STICKY, STRETCHED OUT, AND GLAZED LIKE A FAT HAM BUT MY REAL CONCERN IS WHETHER OR NOT I CAN CHANGE HIM AND MOLD HIM TO MY WILL ??????? I KNOW HE HAS A GOOD HEART BUT BOY HE SURE LIKES BRINGING ANIMALS INTO THE BEDROOM WHAT SHOULD I DO ???? SIGNED, TWATSIE FROM TULSA THE ANSWER BEAR ANSWERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,^~~~-. .-~~~"-. : .--. \ / .--. \ : ( .-`<^~~~-: : ) : `. `-,~ ^- ' .' `-: ,.-~ .' `. ,' @ @ | : __ ; ...{ (__) ,----. / `. ,' ,--. `. | `.,___ , : : : | .' ~~~~ \ / : \.. / `. `--' .' | ~----~ | SELL YOURSELF FOR | | CRACK YOU WHORE | #2395: IT'S THE ANSWER BEAR III Fri, 2006 Jan 13 answer bear* DEAR ANSWER BEAR HI IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE READ YOUR COLUMN BUT I HAVE THIS PERSISTENT PROBLEM THAT I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT I SOLVED WELL I GUESS I SHOULD GET RIGHT TO IT MY PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE A REALLY HAIRY ASS AND NO MATTER HOW I POO OR WIPE AFTERWARDS IT JUST SMEARS EVERYWHERE IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER I WIPE FRONT TO BACK OR BACK TO FRONT WHILE SITTING DOWN OR IF I STAND UP FIRST OR IF I TRY THE OLD NINJA PINCHING MOTION IT JUST GETS EVERYWHERE AND THEN IT'S WIPE CITY DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ???? SIGNED, MESSY IN MINNESOTA THE ANSWER BEAR ANSWERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,^~~~-. .-~~~"-. : .--. \ / .--. \ : ( .-`<^~~~-: : ) : `. `-,~ ^- ' .' `-: ,.-~ .' `. ,' @ @ | : __ ; ...{ (__) ,----. / `. ,' ,--. `. | `.,___ , : : : | .' ~~~~ \ / : \.. / `. `--' .' | ~----~ | IT'S CALLED | | A SHOWER YOU | | DISGUSTING FREAK |

FART BACK	WHAT'S YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION, JERKOFF?
CHAT	#AAF @ EFnet on IRC
FOLLOW NEW!	Conspiracy Duck @ Twitter
TOYS	pick a strip at random view the best of ASCII Art Farts get just the current strip in text format get the current strip and info in text format get all strips in fortune format (run strfile fortune.txt fortune.txt.dat then fortune fortune.txt) get a list of all strip dates get an RSS feed get an XML dump (gzip compressed) see the list of quotes NEW!
FACTOIDS	number of strips: 3920 first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (10.7 years ago) number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Thu, 2010 Mar 18) NEW!
MORE STUFF	Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART	Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery