> HOME
> CURRENT
> RANDOM
> BEST OF
> RSS FEED
> CONTACT
    _    ____   ____ ___ ___      _         _     _____          _       
   / \  / ___| / ___|_ _|_ _|    / \   _ __| |_  |  ___|_ _ _ __| |_ ___ 
  / _ \ \___ \| |    | | | |    / _ \ | '__| __| | |_ / _` | '__| __/ __|
 / ___ \ ___) | |___ | | | |   / ___ \| |  | |_  |  _| (_| | |  | |_\__ \
/_/   \_\____/ \____|___|___| /_/   \_\_|   \__| |_|  \__,_|_|   \__|___/
"WHY IS EVERYONE BACKING AWAY SLOWLY FROM ME"
BY NUMBER <
BY TITLE <
BY DATE <
BY DAY <
BY CALENDAR <
BY KEYWORD <

2010 (6)
24 (8)
911 (30)
aaliyah (7)
adventure (3)
al franken (2)
al gore (2)
al qaeda (2)
alice cooper (2)
alien (4)
aliens colonial marines (2)
all you have (3)
allegra (2)
am i right (17)
amazon (2)
anal* (5)
android (2)
anger* (5)
anime (18)
anna nicole smith (3)
annie ascii (6)
answer bear* (3)
apollo (11)
apple (8)
aquatic* (5)
aria giovanni (4)
asia carrera (2)
asperger (19)
atari (4)
aurora jolie (2)
australia (3)
babylon 5 (3)
bailout (4)
battlefield (16)
battlestar galactica (8)
bbc (2)
beatles (2)
bejeweled (2)
berserkers (2)
best of (33)
best part (12)
beyonce (2)
bible (2)
bionic woman (2)
blank (3)
blog (52)
bob marley (2)
bobby brown (4)
bolo santosi (2)
boner* (3)
bravo (8)
brazil (4)
bright (2)
british (2)
britney spears (3)
brokeback mountain (2)
bush (6)
call of duty (7)
calvin (2)
camgirl (9)
canada (12)
carl sagan (2)
cassini (3)
census (2)
chalkboard (2)
chaps* (3)
charlie sheen (2)
cheers (2)
christmas (15)
clam* (3)
cold war (4)
communism (3)
confessions* (13)
conspiracy duck* (11)
contact (2)
cosby show (4)
cosmos (3)
counter-strike (3)
creampie (3)
critic (4)
crucicaption (6)
crysis (6)
daylight savings (2)
dean (32)
defcon (3)
derek smart (4)
desirae (2)
deus ex (3)
diabetes (4)
dickwolves (3)
die hard (4)
dilbert (6)
disney (25)
doctor who (3)
dont hate me (2)
doom (9)
dot (2)
douglas adams (2)
down syndrome (4)
dr. dre (2)
dr. who (2)
duke nukem (3)
dune (4)
eaten* (2)
einstein (2)
election 2004 (7)
election 2008 (33)
election 2010 (2)
election 2012 (9)
ellen degeneres (2)
er (2)
escher (2)
esperanto (2)
eve online (2)
everybody loves raymond (3)
facebook (9)
family guy (3)
far cry (2)
fear (2)
figlet (37)
filk (2)
flea* (5)
flintstones (3)
football (2)
fred friendly (3)
freespace (6)
french (12)
fresh air (2)
friends (3)
funyuns (2)
garfield (5)
geography (7)
german (24)
gianna michaels (4)
gloria steinem (2)
gnutella (2)
god help me (2)
google (5)
grand theft auto (10)
gun free zones (2)
haiku (9)
haiti (4)
half-life (10)
halloween (2)
halo (4)
ham (2)
hamas (2)
hangin with jesus* (5)
harry potter (4)
harvey milk (2)
henry* (5)
hershey* (3)
hillary clinton (2)
hippies (7)
hitler (2)
hulk (3)
hurricane (7)
ice cube (3)
id software (2)
ideograms (4)
immigration (4)
inconsolable (2)
india (2)
infocom (3)
intelligent design (3)
iphone (3)
iran (5)
iraq (17)
isaac newton (3)
islam (28)
israel (3)
james burke (2)
jasmin st. claire (2)
jave (8)
jeopardy (3)
jerkcity (2)
jesus (19)
jewish (2)
jimmy carter (3)
jody watley (2)
john f. kennedy (5)
john travolta (2)
jon stewart (3)
joseph kony (2)
jupiter (2)
just cause (3)
kari byron (2)
katamari (3)
kelis (2)
kilroy (2)
kindle (4)
kirara (3)
kirstie alley (3)
kiwi (3)
korean (3)
lady diana (2)
lady gaga (2)
latin (2)
law and order (10)
left 4 dead (3)
left eye (4)
linux (6)
logo (16)
lord of the rings (4)
lost (2)
lottery (2)
lucy lee (2)
lyrics (23)
macintosh (6)
marilyn manson (3)
mariska hargitay (2)
mash (5)
mass effect (8)
math (4)
matrix (5)
me neither (4)
mel gibson (3)
meme (5)
memento (2)
meta (2)
michael jackson (9)
michael moore (5)
michelin (2)
midori (2)
milf (4)
minecraft (4)
minotaur* (2)
monads (2)
mormon (2)
msnbc (2)
muppets (4)
myfreecams (6)
mythbusters (2)
nabis (2)
napster (3)
nasa (8)
nazi (12)
nerd boy (9)
net neutrality (2)
nethack (4)
newsgroup (47)
newsradio (2)
niven (2)
nobel prize (4)
north korea (3)
npr (4)
obama (12)
oceans thirteen (2)
oj simpson (2)
okcupid (2)
olympics (3)
onion (3)
open source (10)
original (56)
orkut (2)
osama bin laden (6)
p2p (4)
pac-man (6)
pajamas media (4)
panther (4)
particle (2)
patriot act (2)
peanuts (15)
pearl harbor (3)
penn and teller (2)
penny arcade (2)
perl (2)
perspective (6)
petition (7)
playstation (2)
please shut up* (2)
plonk (5)
pluto (6)
poem (4)
pokemon (6)
poker (13)
polyamory (3)
pooh (8)
porn (46)
pornstar (66)
portal (7)
powerpuff (2)
proposal (2)
python (2)
quake (8)
quebec (2)
queer eye (3)
r. kelly (3)
rage (2)
rape rays* (3)
red bull (3)
red dwarf (2)
rent (2)
richard stallman (2)
rihanna (3)
roger ebert (7)
roman polanski (2)
ron paul (4)
russian (2)
safe word (3)
sanrio (4)
sarah silverman (2)
saturday night live (3)
saving grace (2)
science fact (3)
scrubs (4)
seaquest (2)
second life (2)
seinfeld (2)
sesame (7)
sesame street (3)
shakespeare (3)
shield (3)
shitting* (3)
shutdown (2)
simple (20)
simpsons (8)
skeptic (3)
skull (2)
slashdot (4)
smurfs (3)
soccer (6)
south park (4)
space shuttle (5)
special (2)
spice girls (4)
spongebob (2)
spore (2)
squirtle (2)
star trek (35)
star wars (20)
starcraft (4)
starship troopers (2)
steve jobs (2)
strike (2)
super bowl (3)
sweden (2)
swine flu (3)
tattoo (9)
tax (6)
ted (6)
ted kennedy (3)
tensor (3)
terry gross (2)
tetris (2)
thanksgiving (3)
they might be giants (2)
third rock (2)
tina fey (2)
tlc (3)
togos (2)
tomb raider (4)
tools* (2)
topical (215)
transsexual (2)
transvestite (3)
treo (3)
trilogy* (2)
true story (3)
truther (2)
tsunami (5)
twitter (12)
u2 (3)
understatement (5)
usenet (9)
ussr (4)
uwe boll (2)
vanessa del rio (2)
vectrex (2)
vegan (2)
west wing (12)
wiccan* (10)
wii (2)
wiki (2)
wikileaks (2)
wikipedia (38)
will.i.am (2)
windows (5)
wishful thinking (8)
witchblade (3)
wolfenstein (5)
woody allen (3)
word (113)
world cup (3)
world of warcraft (2)
world war ii (5)
wwjd (3)
wyclef jean (2)
x-men (2)
xbox (2)
xkcd (2)
youtube (8)
zombie* (7)
zynga (2)

#1380: IMAC

Fri, 2003 Apr 4

apple

            _.-----.....___                                                
         .-":     .- .     """"-._                                         
       .: ..'         '           "-._      I'M OPERATED BY A MORON        
       :|"|:     :     '              "-.                                  
      .:| |:          ' -  .             "-.                               
      :|  |:     :    '- '                 \"-.                            
     .:| |:'          '    .'"-.            "-\"-.                         
     :|  |:      :    '- -'.    '.             "-,"-.                      
     :|  |:          '       "    :               "-."-.                   
    .:| .::     :    '        '   '.                 "-.".                 
    :|  |:'          '         `   :                    "-:.               
    :|  |:      :    '           -=-                        '.             
    :|  |:           '              '                         '.           
   .:| .':      :    '                :    - -               _ -'.         
   :|  |:'          '                 :- -" " "-      _  -        '.       
   :|  |:      :    '                 :       . -  "                '.     
   :| .|:           '               . '  . -                    _ - "'.    
  .:' |.:      :    '              . -                    _ - "       '.   
  :|  |:'           '         . -                   _ - "               :  
  :|  |:       :    '    . -                  _ - "                     ': 
 .:| .':             ' '                _ - "                            '.
 :.' |.:      :                   _ - "                                   :
 :|  |:'                    _ - "                                         :
 :'--':       :       _ - "               ____                     _  _  : 
.:    :         _ - "                 _==:____"-.               .'      .' 
:""--.: _ . - "                   _.-"           :              '. _  _.'  
:    :'"                       .-" .__.       ::  :                   .'   
:    :                        .' O |||| [] == LJ  :                 .'     
:==  :                        :    '""'    ==  _.-'             _.-"       
'.   :                        '. O    o o  _.-"             _.-"           
 :   '.                         :      _.-"             _.-"               
 :    :                          `._.-"             _.-"                   
  '-._:.                                        _.-"                       
     /""'-._                                _.-"                           
     "-._/_.'"----....___________________.-"/grp                           
         "                               """                               

#1611: SWITCH

Fri, 2003 Nov 21

apple

                   __________________________                           
           __..--/".'                        '.                         
   __..--""      | |                          |  I THINK WHAT YOU GUYS  
  /              | |                          |  ARE FAILING TO REALIZE 
 /               | |    ___________________   |  IS THAT MACINTOSH IS   
;                | |   :__________________/:  |  SO MUCH EASIER THAN    
|                | |   |                 '.|  |  WINDOWS THAT WINDOWS   
|                | |   |                  ||  |  LAN ADMINISTRATORS AND 
|                | |   |                  ||  |  PROGRAMMERS BY TRADE   
|                | |   |                  ||  |  ARE SWITCHING TOO      
|                | |   |                  ||  |                         
|                | |   |                  ||  |  YES I'M AWARE THIS JOKE
|                | |   |                  ||  |  IS A YEAR OLD          
|                | |   |                  ||  |                         
|                | |   |______......-----"\|  |                         
|                | |   |_______......-----"   |                         
|                | |                          |                         
|                | |                          |                         
|                | |                  ____----|                         
|                | |_____.....----|#######|---|                         
|                | |______.....----""""       |                         
|                | |                          |                         
|. ..            | |   ,                      |                         
|... ....        | |  (c ----- """           .'                         
|..... ......  |\|_|    ____......------"""|"                           
|. .... .......| |""""""                   |                            
'... ..... ....| |                         |                            
  "-._ .....  .| |                         |                            
      "-._.....| |             ___...---"""'                            
          "-._.| | ___...---"""                                         
              """""             grp                                     

#1973: DOGCOW

Wed, 2004 Nov 17

apple

                   __________________________                   
           __..--/".'                        '.                 
   __..--""      | |                          |   IF YOU FAGGOTS
  /              | |                          |   LOVINGLY TELL 
 /               | |    ___________________   |   THE STORY OF  
;                | |   :__________________/:  |   THE "DOGCOW"  
|                | |   |                 '.|  |   ONE MORE TIME 
|                | |   |                  ||  |   THEN *FOOMP*  
|                | |   |                  ||  |   WORLD WAR III 
|                | |   |                  ||  |                 
|                | |   |                  ||  |                 
|                | |   |                  ||  |                 
|                | |   |                  ||  |                 
|                | |   |                  ||  |                 
|                | |   |______......-----"\|  |                 
|                | |   |_______......-----"   |                 
|                | |                          |                 
|                | |                          |                 
|                | |                  ____----|                 
|                | |_____.....----|#######|---|                 
|                | |______.....----""""       |                 
|                | |                          |                 
|. ..            | |   ,                      |                 
|... ....        | |  (c ----- """           .'                 
|..... ......  |\|_|    ____......------"""|"                   
|. .... .......| |""""""                   |                    
'... ..... ....| |                         |                    
  "-._ .....  .| |                         |                    
      "-._.....| |             ___...---"""'                    
          "-._.| | ___...---"""                                 
              """""             grp                             

#2330: A BRILLIANT MARKETING CAMPAIGN IF EVER THERE WAS ONE

Wed, 2005 Nov 9

apple

                           .                                           
                         .OO                                           
                       .OOOO                                           
                      .OOOO'                                           
                      OOOO'          .-~~~~-.                          
                      OOO'          /   (o)(o)                         
              .OOOOOO `O .OOOOOOO. /      .. |                         
          .OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO/\    \____/                         
        .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO/ \\   ,\_/                           
       .OOOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOO(#/\     /.                              
      .OOOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \\  \/OO.                             
     .OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\   \/OOOO.                            
     OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\_\/\OOOOO                            
     OOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\###)OOOO                            
     OOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO                            
     OOOOOOO%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO                            
     `OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'                            
   .-~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'                            
  / _/  `\(#\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'                             
 / / \  / `~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'                              
|/'  `\//  \\ \OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'   THOMAS ALVA EDIBUHHHHHHHHHHH
       `-.__\_,\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'    PABLO PICASUHHHHHHHHHHHHH    
      jgs  `OO\#)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'    ALBERT UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH        
             `OOOOOOOOO''OOOOOOOOO'                                    
               `""""""'  `""""""'      THINKING DIFFERENT              

#3880: IPAD

Sat, 2010 Feb 6

apple, kindle

                   _                                           
            .--,-"" ""-.                                       
           (            )                                      
            j-  __.    |    I GUESS NOW THAT THE IPAD'S        
            |  '     -'|     BEEN ANNOUNCED AND IS BORING      
            |`--._____,+-.                                     
          .';`--.___.'    `.   AMAZON CAN UNCLENCH ITS BUTTOCKS
        .'         /    _  |                                   
       /        ,-' _.-'o;__\                                  
      (           .' o.-'  \)`.                                
       `j--..___.'   '     /   )                               
      (/   _    `-._    `-/`--' ,----.                         
      (.'   `--. `. `-._.'`._,-<o ===|                         
     .'         \  `.  /\`./`.  `----'                         
   .'            |   `' _\,() \                                
 .'          ;_)      ()___/   \                               
/   `._____.'             |     \                              
\       /    =====.       \  _   `.                            
 `.____/  /        \     __\/()    \                           
     .'  (          )  ()____/     .'                          
    /     `---    -'        |\   .'                            
    `---.___                | `-'                              
          .-`--.________.---'`.                                
       .-'              /      \                               
      /               .'        \                              
     /            _.-'\          |                             
     |  `-.____.-'     `.        ; .-""-.                      
     |      |            `.      ,'     |                      
     \      |              \            /                      
      `.___.'               `.         /                       
                        hjw   \      .'                        
                               `.__.'                          

#4466: PADD

Thu, 2011 Sep 15

apple, star trek

 +-'~`---------------------------------/\--                                  
||"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" \\\\\\  \/~)                              
||                                  \\\\\\  \/_                              
 |~~~~~~~~-________________-_________________\ ~--_                          
 !---------|_________       ------~~~~~(--   )--~~                           
                     \ /~~~~\~~\   )--- \_ /(                                
                      ||     |  | \   ()   \\                                
                      \\____/_ / ()\        \\                               
                       `~~~~~~~~~-. \        \\                              
                                   \ \  <($)> \\                             
   TURN YOUR IPAD INTO A GENUINE    \ \        \\                            
   PADD FROM STAR TREK, COMPLETE     \ \        \\                           
   WITH TONS OF DATA ABOUT THE SHOW   \ \        \\                          
                                       \ \  ()    \|                         
   THEN MAKE YOURSELF A NICE LAST      _\_\__====~~~                         
   MEAL, TAKE A NICE HOT BATH WITH                                           
   LOTS OF BUBBLES AND SCENTED CANDLES,                                      
   AND THEN SLICE THE FUCKING VEINS OPEN IN YOUR WRIST AND TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE
                                                                             
   (CUT DOWN NOT ACROSS)                                                     

#4647: WHAT THIS GAME REALLY NEEDS

Wed, 2012 Mar 14

apple, steve jobs

--------------------------------------------------------   
       1 U P      H I G H   S C O R E                      
 ______3_4_0-0._________5_0_0_0_0_______.--.___________    
[%%%%%%%%%%[CJ]%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%[CJ]%%%%%%%%%%%]   
/"\        A                                         /"\   
===       /_\                              A         ===   
\_/                        __             /_\        \_/   
|%|            __  __  __ [%%] __  __  __            |%|   
/"\        __ [##][##][##][%%][@@][@@][@@] __        /"\   
===       [##][##][##][__][__][__][@@][@@][@@]       ===   
\_/    __ [##][##][__][__][__][__][__][@@][@@] __    \_/   
|%|   [##][##][##][__][__][__][__][__][@@][@@][@@]   |%|   
|%|   [##][##][##][__][__][__][__][__][@@][@@][@@]   |%|   
/"\   [##][##][##][__][__][__][__][__][@@][@@][@@]   /"\   
===   [%%]        [%%]    [%%]    [%%]        [%%]   ===   
\_/                       [%%]                       \_/   
|%|                       [%%]                       |%|   
|%|                __     [%%]                       |%|   
/"\               [%%] __ [%%]                       /"\   
===               [%%][%%][%%]                       ===   
\_/                   [%%]                           \_/   
|%|                                O                 |%|   
|%|                                                  |%|   
/"\                                                  /"\   
===                                                  ===   
\_/                                                  \_/   
|%|                                                  |%|   
/"\                      ______                      /"\   
===                     (______)                     ===   
\_/                                                  \_/   
|%| {=}{=}                                           |%|   
-------------------------------------------------------- CJ
                                                           
WHAT THIS GAME REALLY NEEDS IS A HIDDEN TRIBUTE STEVE JOBS 

#4692: IBANK

Sat, 2012 Apr 28

apple, iphone

CHECK OUT THE NEW IBANK APP AT THE APPLE STORE                              
IT AUTOMATICALLY DEBITS YOUR BANK ACCOUNT $0.99 SEVERAL TIMES A DAY         
FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON                                                    
                                                                            
BUT IT'S PART OF THE ***CLOUD***                                            
                                                                            
,--------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| OV"|OOOOOOOO> U N I T E D  S T A T E S   OF  A M E R I C A <OOOOOOOV"|OO |
| OO |OOOOOOOOOOOOmmmmOOOOOOmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmOOOOOOOmmmmOOOOOOOOOOOOO |OO |
| OO_|OO@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OO_|OO |
| OOOOO@6@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@'"           "`@@@@@@@@@@F@81497973A@@OOOOOO |
| OO@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@`  ,,:@@@@@@*.    `@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OO |
| OOO@@@@@' _`@@@@@@@@@@@@@`  W@@@@@@@@@@@;    `@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@6@@@@@@OOO |
| OOO@@@@' |_ `@@@@@@@@@@@'  (@@@@@;--;;--@'    `@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OOO |
| OOO@@@@. |  .@@@@@@@@@@@   (@@@@  @  \@ ;@     @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OOO |
| OOO@@@@@,  ,@@@@@@@@@@@@   (@@@@     _\ }@     @@@@@@@@'==`@@@@@@@@@@OOO |
| OOO@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@.    \_@;;; __ ;;     .@@@@@@@@./\,@@@@@@@@@@OOO |
| OO@@@@@F@81497973A@@@@@@@.   ,;;\_ .__/;,    .@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OO |
| OOOOOO@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@. ,;;;\  , /;;;; .@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@OOOOOO |
| OV"|OO@@@6@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@. Washington .@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@6@@@OV"IOO |
| OO |OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IOO |
| OO_|OOOOOOOOOOOOOO>   O  N  E     D  O  L  L  A  R   <OOOOOOOOOOOOOO_IOO |
`--------------------------------------------------------------------------'
                                                    -Phoenix-               

FART BACK
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
CHAT#AAF @ EFnet on IRC
FOLLOW NEW!Conspiracy Duck @ Twitter
TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Tue, 2023 Feb 21)
MORE STUFF Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery, The ASCII Art Universe