> HOME
> CURRENT
> RANDOM
> BEST OF
> RSS FEED
> CONTACT
    _    ____   ____ ___ ___      _         _     _____          _       
   / \  / ___| / ___|_ _|_ _|    / \   _ __| |_  |  ___|_ _ _ __| |_ ___ 
  / _ \ \___ \| |    | | | |    / _ \ | '__| __| | |_ / _` | '__| __/ __|
 / ___ \ ___) | |___ | | | |   / ___ \| |  | |_  |  _| (_| | |  | |_\__ \
/_/   \_\____/ \____|___|___| /_/   \_\_|   \__| |_|  \__,_|_|   \__|___/
"I CAN GO FROM ZERO TO COMPLETE PRICK IN SIXTY SECONDS"
BY NUMBER <
BY TITLE <
BY DATE <
BY DAY <
BY CALENDAR <
BY KEYWORD <

2010 (6)
24 (8)
911 (30)
aaliyah (7)
adventure (3)
al franken (2)
al gore (2)
al qaeda (2)
alice cooper (2)
alien (4)
aliens colonial marines (2)
all you have (3)
allegra (2)
am i right (17)
amazon (2)
anal* (5)
android (2)
anger* (5)
anime (18)
anna nicole smith (3)
annie ascii (6)
answer bear* (3)
apollo (11)
apple (8)
aquatic* (5)
aria giovanni (4)
asia carrera (2)
asperger (19)
atari (4)
aurora jolie (2)
australia (3)
babylon 5 (3)
bailout (4)
battlefield (16)
battlestar galactica (8)
bbc (2)
beatles (2)
bejeweled (2)
berserkers (2)
best of (33)
best part (12)
beyonce (2)
bible (2)
bionic woman (2)
blank (3)
blog (52)
bob marley (2)
bobby brown (4)
bolo santosi (2)
boner* (3)
bravo (8)
brazil (4)
bright (2)
british (2)
britney spears (3)
brokeback mountain (2)
bush (6)
call of duty (7)
calvin (2)
camgirl (9)
canada (12)
carl sagan (2)
cassini (3)
census (2)
chalkboard (2)
chaps* (3)
charlie sheen (2)
cheers (2)
christmas (15)
clam* (3)
cold war (4)
communism (3)
confessions* (13)
conspiracy duck* (11)
contact (2)
cosby show (4)
cosmos (3)
counter-strike (3)
creampie (3)
critic (4)
crucicaption (6)
crysis (6)
daylight savings (2)
dean (32)
defcon (3)
derek smart (4)
desirae (2)
deus ex (3)
diabetes (4)
dickwolves (3)
die hard (4)
dilbert (6)
disney (25)
doctor who (3)
dont hate me (2)
doom (9)
dot (2)
douglas adams (2)
down syndrome (4)
dr. dre (2)
dr. who (2)
duke nukem (3)
dune (4)
eaten* (2)
einstein (2)
election 2004 (7)
election 2008 (33)
election 2010 (2)
election 2012 (9)
ellen degeneres (2)
er (2)
escher (2)
esperanto (2)
eve online (2)
everybody loves raymond (3)
facebook (9)
family guy (3)
far cry (2)
fear (2)
figlet (37)
filk (2)
flea* (5)
flintstones (3)
football (2)
fred friendly (3)
freespace (6)
french (12)
fresh air (2)
friends (3)
funyuns (2)
garfield (5)
geography (7)
german (24)
gianna michaels (4)
gloria steinem (2)
gnutella (2)
god help me (2)
google (5)
grand theft auto (10)
gun free zones (2)
haiku (9)
haiti (4)
half-life (10)
halloween (2)
halo (4)
ham (2)
hamas (2)
hangin with jesus* (5)
harry potter (4)
harvey milk (2)
henry* (5)
hershey* (3)
hillary clinton (2)
hippies (7)
hitler (2)
hulk (3)
hurricane (7)
ice cube (3)
id software (2)
ideograms (4)
immigration (4)
inconsolable (2)
india (2)
infocom (3)
intelligent design (3)
iphone (3)
iran (5)
iraq (17)
isaac newton (3)
islam (28)
israel (3)
james burke (2)
jasmin st. claire (2)
jave (8)
jeopardy (3)
jerkcity (2)
jesus (19)
jewish (2)
jfk (2)
jimmy carter (3)
jody watley (2)
john f. kennedy (3)
john travolta (2)
jon stewart (3)
joseph kony (2)
jupiter (2)
just cause (3)
kari byron (2)
katamari (3)
kelis (2)
kilroy (2)
kindle (4)
kirara (3)
kirstie alley (3)
kiwi (3)
korean (3)
lady diana (2)
lady gaga (2)
latin (2)
law and order (10)
left 4 dead (3)
left eye (4)
linux (6)
logo (16)
lord of the rings (4)
lost (2)
lottery (2)
lucy lee (2)
lyrics (23)
macintosh (6)
marilyn manson (3)
mariska hargitay (2)
mash (5)
mass effect (8)
math (4)
matrix (5)
me neither (4)
mel gibson (3)
meme (5)
memento (2)
meta (2)
michael jackson (9)
michael moore (5)
michelin (2)
midori (2)
milf (4)
minecraft (4)
minotaur* (2)
monads (2)
mormon (2)
msnbc (2)
muppets (4)
myfreecams (6)
mythbusters (2)
nabis (2)
napster (3)
nasa (8)
nazi (12)
nerd boy (9)
net neutrality (2)
nethack (4)
newsgroup (47)
newsradio (2)
niven (2)
nobel prize (4)
north korea (3)
npr (4)
obama (12)
oceans thirteen (2)
oj simpson (2)
okcupid (2)
olympics (3)
onion (3)
open source (10)
original (56)
orkut (2)
osama bin laden (6)
p2p (4)
pac-man (6)
pajamas media (4)
panther (4)
particle (2)
patriot act (2)
peanuts (15)
pearl harbor (3)
penn and teller (2)
penny arcade (2)
perl (2)
perspective (6)
petition (7)
playstation (2)
please shut up* (2)
plonk (5)
pluto (6)
poem (4)
pokemon (6)
poker (13)
polyamory (3)
pooh (8)
porn (46)
pornstar (65)
portal (7)
powerpuff (2)
proposal (2)
python (2)
quake (8)
quebec (2)
queer eye (3)
r. kelly (3)
rage (2)
rape rays* (3)
red bull (3)
red dwarf (2)
rent (2)
richard stallman (2)
rihanna (3)
roger ebert (7)
roman polanski (2)
ron paul (4)
russian (2)
safe word (3)
sanrio (4)
sarah silverman (2)
saturday night live (3)
saving grace (2)
science fact (3)
scrubs (4)
seaquest (2)
second life (2)
seinfeld (2)
sesame (7)
sesame street (3)
shakespeare (3)
shield (3)
shitting* (3)
shutdown (2)
simple (20)
simpsons (8)
skeptic (3)
skull (2)
slashdot (4)
smurfs (3)
soccer (6)
south park (4)
space shuttle (5)
special (2)
spice girls (4)
spongebob (2)
spore (2)
squirtle (2)
star trek (35)
star wars (20)
starcraft (4)
starship troopers (2)
steve jobs (2)
strike (2)
super bowl (3)
sweden (2)
swine flu (3)
tattoo (9)
tax (6)
ted (6)
ted kennedy (3)
tensor (3)
terry gross (2)
tetris (2)
thanksgiving (3)
they might be giants (2)
third rock (2)
tina fey (2)
tlc (3)
togos (2)
tomb raider (4)
tools* (2)
topical (215)
transsexual (2)
transvestite (3)
treo (3)
trilogy* (2)
true story (3)
truther (2)
tsunami (5)
twitter (12)
u2 (3)
understatement (5)
usenet (9)
ussr (4)
uwe boll (2)
vanessa del rio (2)
vectrex (2)
vegan (2)
west wing (12)
wiccan* (10)
wii (2)
wiki (2)
wikileaks (2)
wikipedia (38)
will.i.am (2)
windows (5)
wishful thinking (8)
witchblade (3)
wolfenstein (5)
woody allen (3)
word (113)
world cup (3)
world of warcraft (2)
world war ii (5)
wwjd (3)
wyclef jean (2)
x-men (2)
xbox (2)
xkcd (2)
youtube (8)
zombie* (7)
zynga (2)

#1704: A HAIKU

Sun, 2004 Feb 22

haiku

  ______________   A POO POKES                                   
 |    |____|  | |                                                
 |   .'    `. | |   THE POO LEFT                                 
 |  :        (_)|                                                
 | :          : |    IT SURE DID MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT THOUGH
 |  :        :  |    (SHIT, BLOOD SMEARED ON WALLS, DOZENS OF    
 |   `.____.'   |    CORPSES SCATTERED EVERYWHERE, SOUND OF      
_|______________|_   APPROACHING SIRENS)                         
KCK                                                              
                                                                 
(3-3-34 IS CLOSE ENOUGH TO 5-7-5 FOR OUR PURPOSES)               

#1795: A CRAPPY HAIKU

Sun, 2004 May 23

haiku

  ___                                     
 //  7       KARMA WILL GET YOU           
(_,_/\                                    
 \    \      MEANWHILE THIS GAY ASCII DICK
  \    \                                  
  _\    \__  MAKES GOOD COMPANY           
 (   \     )                              
  \___\___/                               

#1927: OXYCONTIN

Sat, 2004 Oct 2

haiku

                              |                                 
                              |                                 
                              |        OXYCONTIN PLEASE         
                              |                                 
                              |        BIG FAT TIP IN IT FOR YOU
                              |                                 
                              |        JACK ME OFF SLOWLY       
                          _ ----- _                             
                     .-~             ~-.                        
                   /                     \                      
        .-- -- -- |                       | -- -- --.           
    .-~ / ~~ ~~ ~~ \        O   O        / ~~ ~~ ~~ \ ~-.       
.-~   /        _ - ~ ~-.             .-~ ~ - _        \   ~-.   
    /      /~          /  ~ ----- ~  \          ~\      \       
  /       /           /               \           \       \     
         /           /                 \           \            
        /           /                   \           \           
       /           |                     |           \          
                   |                     |                      
                   |                     |                      
                   |                     |                      
                   |                     |                      

#1954: BILL BIXBY

Fri, 2004 Oct 29

haiku, plonk, usenet

                      __________                               
             ________|          |________                      
            |       /   ||||||   \       |                     
            |     ,'              `.     |                     
            |   ,'                  `.   |                     
            | ,'   ||||||||||||||||   `. |                     
            ,'  /____________________\  `.                     
           /______________________________\                    
          |                                |                   
          |                                |                   
          |                                |                   
          |________________________________|                   
            |____________________------__|    Seal             
                                                               
,----------------------------------------------------,         
| [][][][][]  [][][][][]  [][][][]  [][__]  [][][][] |         
|                                                    |         
|  [][][][][][][][][][][][][][_]    [][][]  [][][][] |         
|  [_][][][][][][][][][][][][][ |   [][][]  [][][][] |         
| [][_][][][][][][][][][][][][]||     []    [][][][] |         
| [__][][][][][][][][][][][][__]    [][][]  [][][]|| |         
|   [__][________________][__]              [__][]|| |         
`----------------------------------------------------'         
                                                               
   LET'S WRITE BILL BIXBY HAIKUS BECAUSE WE'RE ON USENET AND SO
   WE REALLY CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH OUR TIME
                                                               
   I MEAN PLONK                                                

#2349: UNTITLED II

Mon, 2005 Nov 28

haiku

 ___                                        
<__ \            YAKUZA WATCH ME            
  | o|                                      
  | o|  ______   ZIPPO MAKES ME THINK OF MAY
  | o|  / O /                               
   \ o\/ O /     I LIKE GASOLINE            
    \____/                                  
    GABATZ                                  

#2750: CLASSICAL JAPANESE HAIKU

Wed, 2007 Jan 3

haiku

   HERE IS MY CLASSICAL JAPANESE HAIKU FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT          
                                                                   
     =,             .=                                             
    =.|    ,---.    |.=                                            
    =.| "-(:::::)-" |.=     BABY I'M A WANT YA                     
     \\__/`-.|.-'\__//                                             
      `-| .::| .::|-'       BARFING ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK REVEALING
       _|`-._|_.-'|_         FRUIT LOOPS FOR BREAKFAST             
     /.-|    | .::|-.\                                             
    // ,| .::|::::|. \\     NOT CLEANING IT UP, RUNNING AWAY       
   || //\::::|::' /\\ ||                                           
   /'\|| `.__|__.' ||/'\                                           
  ^    \\         //    ^                                          
jrei   /'\       /'\                                               
      ^             ^                                              

#2850: ALL ABOUT THE OWLS

Fri, 2007 Apr 13

haiku

         ,___,         GET OUT OF BED                      
        /(6 6)\_                                           
       /\` ' `'\\_     I CAN'T RAPE YOU THROUGH THE BLANKET
       \\\_''''|\\\                                        
       )\\\\''//||/    OWLS GIVE TERRIBLE HEAD             
  ._,--/////""------                                       
b'ger           `                                          

#2874: A HAIKU (BUT NOT)

Mon, 2007 May 7

haiku

          ,                         
      .--'|}                        
     /    /}}     I AM PLEASED      
   .=\.--'`\}       WITH YOUR WANG  
  //` '---./`         GIVE IT HERE  
  ||  /|                            
   \\| |                            
 |\_\\/                             
 \__/\\       IT'S A HAIKU (BUT NOT)
      \\                            
jgs    \|                           

#3719: A BEAUTIFUL HAIKU

Sat, 2009 Aug 29

haiku, usenet

                       /////.   '  /.)  \  \ |\\\\ `
                       //////\    / /`-- \   |\\\\  
THE SPRING SUN KISSES  ///////\_.' / `.\  `. |\\\\  
INTIMATELY YOUR FACE   //////    _/ `. /    `' \  ` 
PENIS PENIS PENIS      /////   .'  `-./       \     
                       ///|__  |       \      _\    
           /mv/       / /.'  `.-----.   \__.-`  .   
                         |    |o o  |`.  )/     |   

FART BACK
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
CHAT#AAF @ EFnet on IRC
FOLLOW NEW!Conspiracy Duck @ Twitter
TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Sat, 2018 Sep 15)
MORE STUFF Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery, The ASCII Art Universe