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#244: YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE

Wed, 2000 Feb 23

star wars

       _--~~--_                                                          
     /~/_|  |_\~\                     I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF             
    |____________|                    I WAS DRUNK ON COCK                
    |[][][][][][]|:=  .               HELP ME OBI-WAN YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE
  __| __         |__ \  ' .          /                                   
 |  ||. |   ==   |  |  \    ' .     /                                    
(|  ||__|   ==   |  |)   \      '<                                       
 |  |[] []  ==   |  |      \    '\|                                      
 |  |____________|  |        \    |                                      
 /__\            /__\          \ / \                                     
  ~~              ~~                                                     

#610: MY HOMETOWN

Fri, 2001 Feb 23

geography

    .  .-+  ._/V\          
   / \/   \/    /__        
  )                "-+._   
 ."                      \ 
(       B R A S I L       )
 \                      /  
   \__                 (   
      >_               )   
        \_. COCKSUCKER/    
           < VILLAGE /     
            \   *  _/      
             >    /        
            /    /         
           <    /          
            "^./           
                           
    THIS IS MY HOMETOWN    
                           
  (ALSO KNOWN AS BRASILIA) 

#975: ACHTUNG ACHTUNG

Sat, 2002 Feb 23

german

.----------------.  ACHTUNG ACHTUNG !!!                  
|                |                                       
|      /||\      |  NIE DRIBEN FASTEN UND SCHEISSEN OFTEN
|     /_||_\     |  MIT MEDAL OF HONOR ALLIED ASSAULT    
| =m==========m= |                                       
|   /   ||   \   |  UNER TOTALEN DER GERMANEN SOLDAT EIN 
|  /____||____\  |  COCKSUCKEN                           
|                |                                       
'------------apx-'                                       

#1340: I HATE YOU, NEVER FORGET THAT

Sun, 2003 Feb 23

NO NO IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP          
THE DIAMETER OF MY ANUS REALLY        
SHOULD BE WIDER THAN BOTH YOUR FISTS  
                                      
ADD THE NUMBERS AGAIN EGGHEAD         
I SIMPLY MUST FIND A WAY TO PROVE THIS
                                      
ADMISSION: $2.95                      
                                      
 _____________________                
|  _________________  |               
| |              /  | |               
| |       /\    /   | |               
| |  /\  /  \  /    | |               
| | /  \/    \/     | |               
| |/             JO | |               
| |_________________| |               
|  __ __ __ __ __ __  |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |               
|  ___ ___ ___   ___  |               
| | 7 | 8 | 9 | | + | |               
| |___|___|___| |___| |               
| | 4 | 5 | 6 | | - | |               
| |___|___|___| |___| |               
| | 1 | 2 | 3 | | x | |               
| |___|___|___| |___| |               
| | . | 0 | = | | / | |               
| |___|___|___| |___| |               
|_____________________|               

#1705: THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO

Mon, 2004 Feb 23

:YMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-M
!!!!!YMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-M--M
!!!!!!!!"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.-'- .'||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!YMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-:-:'| .-'  ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                                   || .-'  | |    ||
oooooooooo!!!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
XXXXXXXXXXXb!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
$$$$$$$$hdXb!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
$$$$$$$$$dXb!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
$$$$$$$$$pXb!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
XXXXXXXXXXXb!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
PPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!M                                   || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M  dm        __                     || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M  `MM.    _,MMb                    || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M   `MMm  ,MP'      __       ,m     || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!MMMMM!!!M    `MMYMMF       dMMoMMMMMM"MM    || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!M###M!!!M   dMMMMMMm.      "' qMMMMMP  '    || |    ' ...-==|
!!!!!!!!!MMMMM!!!M   YMMMMMMMP          "MMMM"       || .--'''    dMM|
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M    `MMPP'.        _mmMPmmmYMmmmm. || +---== `````"|
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M  ,mMMMMMMMmMMMmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm8MPPM|| |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M   dMMMMMMM$""'MMMM'MMMMMMMMM'     || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M   ,dMMMMMb      '   MMMMMMM'      || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M  ;MMP `MMM.         MMMMMMM       || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M  8MM   `MMP        mmmmmmmmm      || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M   '      "        dMMMMMMMMMb     || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                  ,MMMMMMMMMMMM    || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                  MMMMMMMMMMMMMY   || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                    'MMP  MM8      || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                     MM$  8Mb      || |    | |    ||
=================M                     YMM  dM'      || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M                     ]M[  dM       || |    | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!M   [:dg:]            `Mb  YM       || |    | |    ||
#################MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`-.'-._ | |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'                      ::   ::          `-..`' |    ||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'                        ::.  ::.             `-.,`-..||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!'                        ':::  ::'                `-._  |
!!!!!!!!!!!!'                         ::::  ::'                    `-|
!!!!!!!!!!!'                         :::::  :::'                     |
!!!!!!!!!!'                         ':::::  :::'                     |
!!!!!!!!'                           ,:::::  ::::'                    |
!!!!!!!'                           ,::::::  ::::;                    |
!!!!!!'                            :::::::  :::::\                   |
!!!!'                             ::::::::  ::::::'                  |
!!!'                              ::::::::  :::::::                  |
!!'                              :::::::::  ::::::::                 |
'                      ':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;:::.       |
                        ;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'       |
                        `;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'        |
                         `:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/         |
                          `:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/          |
                           Y::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'          |
____________________________;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;___________|
                                                                      
MOMMY I'M GOING TO STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS STRANGELY SHAPED KNIFE 
WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING                                                 
                                                                      
SERIOUSLY IT'S A KNIFE NOT A TEDDY BEAR                               
                                                                      
LOOK WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE MY WORD ON THIS IT'S REALLY A STABBING   
OR PERHAPS BLUNT INSTRUMENT OF SOME KIND WHICH IS REALLY CAPABLE      
OF DOING SERIOUS DAMAGE PARTICULARLY TO SOMEONE WHO IS UNCONSCIOUS    
                                                                      
JESUS WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION EVERY TIME I BRING THIS
UP YES I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S A HARMLESS FUZZY TEDDY BEAR BUT      
IT REALLY IS A LETHAL INSTRUMENT PARTICULARLY WHEN USED BY A TRAINED  
PROFESSIONAL                                                          
                                                                      
NO I'M NOT A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL I'M A GODDAMN THREE YEAR OLD BUT    
I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE A POINT                                     
                                                                      
FINE IT'S A FUCKING TEDDY BEAR BUT I'M STILL GOING TO SMOTHER YOU     
WITH IT                                                               

#2071: FAMILY FEUD

Wed, 2005 Feb 23

       ,-^-_                                              
 `>.  /  _  `-'>    WHY DOES THE HOME IMPROVEMENT GUY HOST
 / |,'  / ^-_/'      FAMILY FEUD NOW                      
|  |__--.                                                 
| *|(@)/                                                  
 \_/--/ .:===:.                                           
 <^-_ |//#####\\                                          
  \   ||##._.##||                                         
   \  \ ,'   \#||   THE FAT ONE NOT THE COKE HEAD         
    ^-_^--\  |//                                          
      \^--^  //                                           
  FRM  ':===:'                                            

#2436: AIDS FLAVORS

Thu, 2006 Feb 23

                        |        HAITIAN IV DRUG USER AIDS        
                  |     |                                         
                  | .---'''--.    ROMANIAN CHILD AIDS             
              .-----|        |                                    
              |     ;,,..--..|     GREAT AMERICAN FAGGOT AIDS     
              ;...-.----''\'--.                                   
             .-----|      |\  |     WEAK AMERICAN HEMOPHILIAC AIDS
             |     ;,,..--| \.|                                   
             ;...-.----'';|  \'.     AFRICAN MONKEY AIDS          
            .-----|      ||   \|                                  
            |     ;,,..-.||    \      HAIRY SMELLY FRENCH AIDS    
            ;...-.----'''||_    \.                                
           .-----|       |_ `-._ \     PRESIDENTIAL AIDS          
           ;     ;,,..--.|_`-._ \-\                               
          ;__,,..----''''| `-._\-\ \    ENGLISH PUNK QUEER AIDS   
          .-----|        |    \ \ \ _,                            
          |     ;___...-.'-..__\_\,'     DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE AIDS
         ._--'''|   ___,|,---''';                                 
          :````--'''  _____,--'/          GLASNOST AIDS           
          :`-------'''        ;                                   
~~~~~  ~~~ :__________________; ~~~~   ~~~~~ ~~~~                 
jrei ~~~~~    ~~~~~    ~~~~~     ~~~~~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~                
~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~   ~~  ~~~    ~~~~     ~~~   ~~~~ ~                

#2801: IT IS YOU KNOW

Fri, 2007 Feb 23

inconsolable

 ________________________________________________________ 
/  ____________________________________________________  \
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |_|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__| |
|  ____________________________________________________  |
| | |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |  | |
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
| |<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_| |
\___________________________________________________LGB__/
                                                          
              MY BONER IS STILL INCONSOLABLE              

#3166: GIANNA MICHAELS' NEW HOME

Sat, 2008 Feb 23

gianna michaels, pornstar

         ,        ,                                             
         \y ,--.y/                                              
         /,---. )\                                              
        / (((\\)\ \    DO YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD TRULY NOTICE IF
        \ \\-_/ / /    I SORT OF KIDNAPPED GIANNA MICHAELS      
         \ i   i /     AND THEN SHOVED HER UP MY ASS            
          (_)=(_)                                               
           ) . (                                                
          /\---/\                                               
         /  )-(  \                                              
        /  /   \  \                                             
       / ,"     ". \     I NEED A NEW TENANT                    
      / /         \ \     (LAST ONE WAS RECENTLY EVACUATED)     
hjw  /-)           (-\                                          
    / ^!           !^ \                                         

#3532: THEY MIGHT BE CHILDREN

Mon, 2009 Feb 23

they might be giants

            /()))                                                  
           //( oo                                                  
          (/|| _ \__                                               
         /||||/ '._-'      DOES THERE MIGHT BE GIANTS' CHILDREN'S  
        /  \ |\             ALBUM REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING           
       /  \ \  \_____                                              
      |    \ \.___  /==,                                           
      |    ='.___/=.                                               
      |             )                                              
      '.______      |                                              
       (______( |  ||        WASN'T THEIR MUSIC ALWAYS FOR CHILDREN
snd     |_|| _/ |  |_\                                             
            '---'--'                                               

#3897: HARVEY FILK

Tue, 2010 Feb 23

filk, harvey milk

      _____                                      
     j_____j                                     
    /_____/_\    MORE LIKE HARVEY FILK           
    |_(~)_| |                                    
    | )"( | |    (BECAUSE FILKING IS GAY YOU SEE)
hjw |(@_@)| |                                    
    |_____|,'                                    

#4262: PERIPATUS SPEAKS

Wed, 2011 Feb 23

                      ___                   _...------..._        
                   .'`   ```""--...___...-"`              `'-.    
                  / -..__                                     `\  
                 Y_/ / / `/`;-..__       __...-;")`|`"/-._      Y 
   ,'                "`   "`  | / `|"("`( (  | | `"  (_/ _)     |)
  ;'-.._..-.._                 "   `-`   "`  `"         (,'     ; 
   `"-..      ``"-==...._____               __.....--''`       /\ 
   _..-'                     ```````````````                _.'\_)
 ,:--""``"--'";-=.,__        _                     _  __,.-: \    
/              \ \ | |``/"/": ;-q-q-=y=q==y-y-;";"\_|` \ \  \_)   
                "` :_; (_/  `-'  \_) | | (_/  `-'       "`        
      sk                             `"`                          
                                                                  
                     I HAVE MANY LEGS BUT ONLY ONE DICK           
                                                                  
                          SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT                  

#4627: FACE HOLES

Thu, 2012 Feb 23

anime

ANIME IS COOL BECAUSE IT DEPICTS WOMEN ACCURATELY                    
                                                                     
TWO GIANT HOLES STABBED IN THEIR FACE                                
                                                                     
                                       _                             
                             _.      .' `-.                          
                           .'  `-.::/_.    `.                        
                          /   _.   .'        \                       
                        .' .'\  `./      `.   \                      
                     .-'  /   '.    .'.    \   ;                     
                  .-'  .-'      \ .'   \    .  |                     
               .-'   .'      .-._'_.-.  \    . :                     
              /     /     .-'    '    `. '.     \         :          
             :     :     /              `. '.    `.      /|          
              \    |    /                /`. '-.   `-._.' ;          
               ;   |  .;                :   \   '-.      /           
       `.     /    :.'/      _       _   \   \     \  _.'            
        \`._.'    // :    .s$$P     T$$s. '.  \     ; \              
         `._.   .':  |  .dP'           `Tb. \  \    |  `.            
            /  /  |  | dP  .-.       .-.  Tb ;  .   |    `-.         
        `_.'  :   |  |'   'd$b       d$b`   `|` |   |     | `.       
         '.   |   |  :   ':$$$       $$$:`   '\ |   '    /|   \      
           `-'|   |  :` ; |T$P       T$P| : '  :|  /   .' ;    ;     
              :   :   \\`-:__.       .__:-'/ .' |.'\_.'  /     |     
              /\   \   .\        s        / :   /|      /      :     
             .  '.  \  | \     .___.     /   \ : |    .'      /      
           .'     \  'X   '.           .'\    '.\|\.-'      .'       
         .'        \   '.  |`.       .'|  :      `.'.    .-'|        
        /           '    '-:  `-._.-'; |   `.      \ '-.'   ;        
       :             '      \       /  |--.._J.-.    '.  './    -.   
        \             \      \     :         / . `-.  \   '.     \`. 
         `.      .     ;      ;             /   `-. `-.;    \     : .
           `-._.'      |      |          __/          /|     \._.'  '
            .' .       ;      :     _.-"'.'         .: |      ;    / 
           /   |\     /      /         .' .-'    .-'  \|      |   /  
          /    : '._.'     .'.       .'  /    .-'     .'      : .'   
         :      \        .'-. `.   .' .-'  .-'       /       /"'     
     .:' |      |`-.__.-'`-. \_ `s'.-'  .-'         /      .'        
   .'/   :      :           `._.' `._.-'           :    .-'          
 .' :     \      \             `._.'               |   (             
.   :     /`.     `-.           ;|:      [bug]     :    \            
:    `._.'   `-._    `-.       , : .               |\    '.          
 `.               `.     `.     ;'. ;               ' `.    `-.__.   
   `-._   _.'      ;\      `.   | : |              /    `*+.__.-'    
   .'  `"'        /  ;       \  |.' |             '                  
  /             .'   |        . : ` ;--._     _.-'                   
 /   :      _.-'     :        |  \ /                                 
:    |\             /         ;   V                                  
|    `.`.        _.'         /                                       
:      \ `-.._.-'          .'                                        

#4993: EQUAL OPPORTUNITY ALIENS

Sat, 2013 Feb 23

aliens colonial marines

 ._                                               
   |        WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A GAY MIDGET
   |        CRIPPLE IN ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES   
   |L___,                                         
 .' '.  T                                         
:  *  :_|                                         
 '._.'   L                                        

#5358: MATURITY: A POEM

Sun, 2014 Feb 23

     ____                           
   _[____]_                         
    ( '7')                          
   __)(^_    MATURITY MEANS         
  / ,C^D,\   THAT YOU LET THE BEER  
 / /||:||\\  FILL UP YOUR LEG       
 \ \|/:\|//  RATHER THAN PEE        
  `\\~~~|/   AS OFTEN AS YOU NEED TO
 ,##\7|\ \   (AS DEPICTED HERE)     
    |#| \ \                         
    |#| / /                         
jgs |#|/_/                          
    |#|\ \                          
    (#_\`'                          

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TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Tue, 2020 Jul 14)
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