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#254: WAL-MART

Sat, 2000 Mar 4

           LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT IN HOUSEWARES AT WAL-MART              
                                                                     
(\o/)___________________________________________________________(\o/)
(/|\)                                                           (/|\)
  |                                          .-~~~-.              |  
  |                                        /        }             |  
  |                                       /      .-~              |  
  |                             \        |        }               |  
  |             _   __        ___\.~~-.-~|     . -~_              |  
  |            / \./  \/\__      { O |  ` .-~.    ;  ~-.__        |  
  |        __{^\_ _}_   )  }/^\   ~--~/-|_\|   :   : .-~          |  
  |       /  /\_/^\._}_/  //  /     /   |  \~ - - ~               |  
  |      (  (__{(@)}\__}.//_/__A__/_A___|__A_\___A______A_____A   |  
  |       \__/{/(_)\_}  )\\ \\---v-----V----v----v-----V-----v--- |  
  |         (   (__)_)_/  )\ \>                                   |  
  |          \__/     \__/\/\/                                    |  
  |             \__,--'                                           |  
  |                                                               |  
(\o/)___________________________________________________________(\o/)
(/|\)                                                           (/|\)

#619: CRACKER LOVER

Sun, 2001 Mar 4

disney, logo

c,                                                                    ,c  
3$$c                                                                 ,$$P 
$$"$$c   ,cc,     ,zc,   ,cc   J$$  c,   ,cc,   c,  hcc$$$$$$",zcc, ,$$"  
$$  ?$c ,$$?$c  ,d$$$F ,$$P$b  J$$  $$  z$$P$b, $$$cJ$$  $$  ,$$?$$ $$b,. 
$$  ,$$,$$" ?$b $$P'?" d$P $$. J$$ ,$$ J$$" `$$ $$`"$$$  $$  d$P $$F "?$$b
$$,c$$'$$F   $$<$$     $$F,3$L J$$$$$$ $$F   $$,$$  ?$$  $$  $$L,$$$   4$$
$$$$P':$$,  ,$$ $$c   ,$$$$$$$ 3$$"'$$ $$c  ,$$ $$  :$$  $$ ;$$$$P$$  ,$$"
$$"    "?$$d$$"  "$$c,3$$"' $$ ?$$  $$ `?$$$$$" $$  :$$  $$ 3$$"  $$ ,$$F 
$$       `"?"'     """`""   "" `""  ""    """   ""   ""  ""  ""   ""J$$"  
$$                        IS A CRACKER LOVER                        "?"   
                          (WE HAVE PICTURES)                              

#984: PERL VS. PYTHON

Mon, 2002 Mar 4

perl, python

OKAY FOLKS AS PART OF THE REGULAR FARTS ROUNDTABLE WE'RE GOING    
TO HAVE A DEBATE BETWEEN THE MERITS OF PERL AND PYTHON            
                                                                  
TAKING THE SIDE OF PERL ADVOCACY IS JOHN Q. FUCKFACE (THE HOLLOW  
HEART ON TOP) AND THE VIEWPOINT OF THE PYTHON COMMUNITY WILL BE   
CHAMPIONED BY JOHNATHAN X. NUMBFUCK (THE BOTTOM SOLID HEART)      
                                                                  
EACH PROPONENT WILL HAVE A TWO MINUTE INTRODUCTION FOLLOWED BY    
A SERIES OF QUESTIONS SUBMITTED FROM A PANEL IN WHICH EACH WILL   
BE ALLOWED FIVE MINUTES TO ANSWER THE QUESTION PLUS AN OPTIONAL   
TWO MINUTE REBUTTAL IF THEY SO WISH AND QUESTIONING WILL ALTERNATE
BETWEEN EITHER ADVOCATE FINALLY THERE WILL BE A WRAPPING UP PHASE 
FOR TEN MINUTES EACH                                              
                                                                  
WE WILL NOW BEGIN WITH THE OPENING STATEMENTS                     
                                                                  
                                                                  
                                         I'M A PEDOPHILE          
                      .-"""-. .-"""-.                             
                     /       '       \    /                       
                    :                 ;  /                        
                    :                 ;                           
                     \               /                            
                      `.           .'                             
                        `.       .'                               
                          `.   .'                                 
                            `.'                                   
                                                                  
      I'M A PEDERAST                                              
                      .qSSOp. .qSSOp.                             
                \    dSSSOO$$gSSOO$$$b                            
                 \  :SSOO$$$$$$$$$$$$$;                           
                    :SSOO$$$$$$$$$$$$$;                           
                     TSSOO$$$$$$$$$$$P                            
                      `TSSOO$$$$$$$P'                             
                        `TSSOO$$$P'                               
                          `TSOOP'                                 
                            `S'  bug                              
                                                                  
                                                                  
OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE YOU GEEK TOOLS ARE FUCKING USELESS           

#1349: NIGHT LANDING

Tue, 2003 Mar 4

          FUCK       
                     
           /         
                     
".----'`v'`----."    
 \`----._.----'/     
  `.--.___.--.'   hjw
    `-.___.-'        

#1715: DEE'S LAZY EYE

Thu, 2004 Mar 4

pornstar

_      `-._     `-.     `.   \      :      /   .'     .-'     _.-'      _
 `--._     `-._    `-.    `.  `.    :    .'  .'    .-'    _.-'     _.--' 
      `--._    `-._   `-.   `.  \   :   /  .'   .-'   _.-'    _.--'      
`--.__     `--._   `-._  `-.  `. `. : .' .'  .-'  _.-'   _.--'     __.--'
__    `--.__    `--._  `-._ `-. `. \:/ .' .-' _.-'  _.--'    __.--'    __
  `--..__   `--.__   `--._ `-._`-.`_=_'.-'_.-' _.--'   __.--'   __..--'  
--..__   `--..__  `--.__  `--._`-q(-_-)p-'_.--'  __.--'  __..--'   __..--
      ``--..__  `--..__ `--.__ `-'_) (_`-' __.--' __..--'  __..--''      
...___        ``--..__ `--..__`--/__/  \--'__..--' __..--''        ___...
      ```---...___    ``--..__`_(<_   _/)_'__..--''    ___...---'''      
```-----....._____```---...___(__\_\_|_/__)___...---'''_____.....---- mic
                                                                         
  I WONDER IF YOU HIT DEE IN THE HEAD HARD ENOUGH                        
     WOULD IT POP HER LAZY EYE BACK INTO PLACE ??????????????            

#2080: CALM DOWN OFFICER

Fri, 2005 Mar 4

           *                                                    
          / \             CALM DOWN OFFICER                     
         /*  \                                                  
        /. : *\           SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME YOU DUMB PIG 
       /_ .  ._\                                                
        /  *  \           ALL I SAID WAS WE SHOULD THROW THEM   
       / .  .  \          TO THE LIONS AND CALL IT XMAS FROM NOW
      / *  . . *\         ON                                    
     / .  *  . : \                                              
    / :   *  *  . \       GEEZE YOU'D THINK I LICKED YOUR DICK  
   / .  *   .    : \      AND CALLED IT CHRISTMAS               
  /___ :  .    * ___\                                           
     /  :  . : . \        MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!! DISGUSTING   
    / .   :   .  *\       SLOPPY BLOWJOBS ON PRIMETIME ABC, CBS,
   /*   .   :  .  .\      NBC AND SOMETIMES EVEN PBS (WHEN      
  /.  *   .  *   : .\     PRESENTED ARTFULLY)                   
 /.  :  .  : .  * .  \                                          
/_____________________\   ANYWAY WE COULD GAS THEM TOO          
         |___|                                                  

#2445: BAHA'I

Sat, 2006 Mar 4

       .                .                                       
       :"-.          .-";                                       
       |:`.`.__..__.'.';|    I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS WHEN I REPORT  
       || :-"      "-; ||    MY RELIGION AS "BAHA'I"            
       :;              :;                                       
       /  .==.    .==.  \    BECAUSE I, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AM
      :      _.--._      ;   A TOTAL FUCKING MORON              
      ; .--.' `--' `.--. :                                      
     :   __;`      ':__   ;                                     
     ;  '  '-._:;_.-'  '  :                                     
     '.       `--'       .'                                     
      ."-._          _.-".                                      
    .'     ""------""     `.                                    
   /`-                    -'\                                   
  /`-                      -'\                                  
 :`-   .'              `.   -';                                 
 ;    /                  \    :                                 
:    :                    ;    ;                                
;    ;                    :    :                                
':_:.'                    '.;_;'                                
   :_                      _;                                   
   ; "-._                -" :`-.     _.._                       
   :_          ()          _;   "--::__. `.                     
    \"-                  -"/`._           :                     
   .-"-.                 -"-.  ""--..____.'                     
  /         .__  __.         \                                  
 : / ,       / "" \       . \ ; bug                             
  "-:___..--"      "--..___;-"                                  

#2810: LIAR, LIAR

Sun, 2007 Mar 4

topical, wikipedia

CHECK ME OUT NEW YORKER !!!!! I'M A DISTINGUISHED WIKIPEDIA         
CONTRIBUTOR WITH FOUR ADVANCED DEGREES AND HAVE TONS OF HARD-WORKING
STUDENTS AND AM IN MY THIRTIES IN A STABLE GAY RELATIONSHIP AND AM  
SO RESPECTED IN THE COMMUNITY THAT I GOT HIRED TO WORK FOR WIKIA,   
THE FOR-PROFIT COUSIN TO WIKIPEDIA !!!!!!!                          
                                                                    
EXCEPT PSYCH !!!!!! NO ACTUALLY I'M A BIG FAT FUCKING LIAR AND I    
HAVE NO DEGREES, NO STUDENTS, AM IN MY TWENTIES, AND I'M NOT IN A   
LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!! BUT I STILL AM GAY !!!!!!!!!!     
                                                                    
AND ALSO STILL EMPLOYED BY WIKIA FOR SOME FUCKING PUZZLING REASON   
                                                                    
IT'S ALMOST AS IF ....... WIKIPEDIA IS A PIECE OF STEAMING SHIT     
AND EVERYONE, INCLUDING JIMBO WALES KNOWS IT AND SO WHY BOTHER      
PRETENDING ANYMORE                                                  
                                                                    
P.S. GO FUCK YOURSELF RUNNING, LIAR                                 
                                                                    
                 _.---.._                                           
    _        _.-'         ''-.                                      
  .'  '-,_.-'                 '''.                                  
 (       _                     o  :                                 
  '._ .-'  '-._         \  \-  ---]                                 
                '-.___.-')  )..-'                                   
                         (_/                  MJP                   
                                                                    
(NOTE: NO ACTUAL MANATEES WERE HARMED IN THE CREATION OF THIS FART) 

#3176: A SERIOUS DRAWBACK

Tue, 2008 Mar 4

                                _.,_                 
                             ,-'.' .`-,              
                            ;; '. ' `. ;` - _        
                         _,-; ' ; `.  ,% .-,  -      
                  ,_.,-'`   ';; ; : ;%'  | |   \     
      ___  _._,-`'\            `'-`'  _.,' `.   )    
__,--`-,,`'  ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''`  |  _|   |__  
 `---'////\ /  .-,     `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/     
      //\)(/   `-\.-.                   | `-'        
                 ( .-;                  |   |    ,.  
                  `-~ ~~-.              `._.'  ,/ /  
                    `~ ~~~ ~~                 /,.`)  
                                             //  /   
 WHEN TRYING TO DRINK LESS ON A REGULAR     /_ `/    
 BASIS THERE'S A SERIOUS DRAWBACK:         (  `/  mic
                                                     
 YOU DON'T GET AS FUCKED UP AND SO YOU'RE BORED      

#3541: DUB DUB DUB

Wed, 2009 Mar 4

          _*_   O                                            
          \_/_  !         I PRONOUNCE "WWW" AS "DUB DUB DUB" 
         (( }   !         IN THE HOPES THAT SOMEDAY MY MOTHER
         )))__.-`         WILL LEARN TO LOVE ME              
        (((--'  !                                            
          \ '   !   .)                                       
           )|___!.-'(                                        
          / \ ` O __)                                        
         / ' \ ` '( \                                        
        /  '  \  `)` \                                       
       /   '     (  (_`_                                     
      /   _!____.'                                           
     /_.-'                                                   
     /,                                                      
ejm '-._                                                     

#3906: TIGER WOODS

Thu, 2010 Mar 4

                      __,,,,_                         
       _ __..-;''`--/'/ /.',-`-.                      
   (`/' ` |  \ \ \\ / / / / .-'/`,_                   
  /'`\ \   |  \ | \| // // / -.,/_,'-,                
 /<7' ;  \ \  | ; ||/ /| | \/    |`-/,/-.,_,/')       
/  _.-, `,-\,__|  _-| / \ \/|_/  |    '-/.;.\'        
`-`  f/ ;      / __/ \__ `/ |__/ |                    
     `-'      |  -| =|\_  \  |-' |   DEAR TIGER WOODS,
           __/   /_..-' `  ),'  //                    
       fL ((__.-'((___..-'' \__.'      SHUT           
                                       THE            
                                       FUCK           
                                       UP             

#4271: CHARLIE SHEEN

Fri, 2011 Mar 4

charlie sheen, topical

,-----.      PLEASE CLICK >>> HERE <<< FOR ALL THE LATEST ON CHARLIE SHEEN
\======'.                                                                 
 \  {}   '.                                                               
  \   \/ V '.                                                             
   \  || |   '._                                 _,cmmmnc,_               
    \___68FS___\'-._=----+- _______________,.-=:3H)###C--  `c._           
    :|=--------------`---"'`.   `  `.   `.   `,   `~""==="~`    `'-.___   
  ,dH] '       =(*)=         :       ---==;=--;  .   ;    +-- -_ .-`      
  :HH]_:______________  ____,.........__     _____,.----=-"~ `            
  ;:""'"'----._.------\`  :          .   `.'`'"'"'"P                      
  |:      .-'==-.__)___\. :        .   .'`___L~___(                       
  |:  _.'`       '|   / \.:      .  .-`""`                                
  `'"'            `--'   \:    ._.-'                                      
dew                      }_`============>-                                

#4637: SERVING REVENGE

Sun, 2012 Mar 4

               ,                                
               }`-.   ,          ,              
               \ \ '-' \      .-'{              
               _} .  | ,`\   /  ' ;    .-;\     
              {    \ |    | / `/  '-.,/ ; |     
              { -- -.  '  '`-, .--._.' ;  \__   
               \     \ | '  /  |`.    ;    _,`\ 
                '. '-     ' `_- '.`;  ; ,-`_.-' 
            ,--.  \    `   /` '--'  `;.` (`  _  
         .--.\  '._) '-. \ \ `-.    ;     `-';| 
         '. -. '         __ '.  ;  ;     _,-' / 
          { __'.\  ' '-,/; `-'   ';`.- `   .-'  
           '-.  `-._'  | `;     ;`'   .-'`      
             <_ -'   ` .\  `;  ;     (_.'`\     
             _.;-"``"'-._'. `:;  ___, _.-' |    
         .-'\'. '.` \ \_,_`\ ;##`   `';  _.'    
        /_'._\ \  \__;#####./###.      \`       
        \.' .'`/"`/ (#######)###::.. _.'        
         '.' .'  ; , |:.  `|()##`"""`           
       jgs `'-../__/_\::   /O()()o              
                    ()'._.'`()()'               
                                                
                                                
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH ARUGULA      
BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE BITTER CAT SHIT WRAPPINGS

#5002: LADYBUG

Mon, 2013 Mar 4

    HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
                      
      \               
       \              
                     .
     .-o"88b.      .' 
    o    `8,8;   .' .'
   :   o .\\  _.' .:-"
   :O  .'\_\`"  '  ._.
    \."|-| | .  _.-"  
  _.-" | `  _.-"      
-" `.   _.-"          
' . _.-"              
l42"                  

#5367: MARU II

Tue, 2014 Mar 4

                  _..                                                    
 /}_{\           /.-'    MARU, PLEASE STOP STARING AT ME WHILE I BEAT OFF
( a a )-.___...-'/                                                       
==._.==         ;        HERE, HERE'S A BOX TO PLAY WITH TO DISTRACT YOU 
     \ i _..._ /,                                                        
     {_;/   {_//  fsc                                                    

FART BACK
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TOYS
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