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#283: KEYSTONE

Sun, 2000 Apr 2

                         .                           
                      .  !\  _    HOLY FUCK          
                      l\/ ( /(_                      
                     _ \`--" _/ .                    
                     \~")   (_,/)                    
                     _)/.   ,\,/                     
            _____,-"~    \ /   "~"-._____            
        ,-~"     "~-.  .  "  .  ,-~"     "~-.        
      ,^             ^. `. .' ,^             ^.      
     /                 \  ^  /                 \     
    Y___________________Y   Y___________________Y    
    | |^~"|^   _ ^|"~^| |   | |"~"|^ _   ^|"~"| |    
    | !   l   (_) !   ! l   | !   l (_)   !   ! |    
    l  \  `\.___,/'  /  !   l  \  `\.___,/'  /  !    
     \  ^.         ,^  /!   !\  ^.         ,^  /     
      ^.  ~-------~  ,^\`v-v'/^.  ~-------~  ,^      
      _)~-._______,-~   }---{   ~-._______,-~(_      
 .--"~           ,-^7' /     \ `Y^-,           ~"--. 
/               (_,/ ,/'     `\. \._)    ___        \
\_____.,--"~~~"--..,__        ___,..--<"~   ~"-.,___/
    / (    __,--~ _.._""~~~~"" ,-"  "-.`\     /~.-"  
    `._"--~_,.--"~    \       /        \ `---' /     
       "~""            \     /          "-.__,/      
                       `L   ]'                       
       DRINK KEYSTONE   l   !                        
                        j___L              -Row      
      GAHBHAGLHBLAHLUG (_____)                       
                        |   |                        

#648: HALF A DEAD PROSTITUTE

Mon, 2001 Apr 2

              ____----------- _____                      
\~~~~~~~~~~/~_--~~~------~~~~~     \                     
 `---`\  _-~      |                   \                  
   _-~  <_         |                    \[]              
 / ___     ~~--[""] |      ________-------'_             
> /~` \    |-.   `\~~.~~~~~                _ ~ - _       
 ~|  ||\%  |       |    ~  ._                ~ _   ~ ._  
   `_//|_%  \      |          ~  .             ~-_   /\  
          `--__     |    _-____  /\               ~-_ \/.
              ~--_ /  ,/ -~-_ \ \/         _______---~/  
                  ~~-/._<   \ \`~~~~~~~~~~~~~     ##--~/ 
                         \    ) |`------##---~~~~-~  ) ) 
                          ~-_/_/                  ~~ ~~  
                                                         
  IF YOU OPEN MY TRUNK YOU'LL FIND HALF A DEAD PROSTITUTE

#1013: AXIS OF EVIL

Tue, 2002 Apr 2

       __                                  
    ~%( o`=-                               
       \ \       I'M A CARD-CARRYING MEMBER
       / /       OF THE AXIS OF EVIL       
    __/~~\__                               
   ( / ~~ \ )                              
   | |    | |                              
    \|    |/                               
  ___vv__vv__nmf                           
 /   ``  ''    \                           
 |_____________|                           
   ~`/%%%%\`~                              
    /  %%  \                               
   ~@ /``\ @~                              
   / %%  %% \                              
  ~@ /    \ @~                             
  / %%    %% \                             
~/@/~      ~\@\~                           
(\/          \/)                           
`(~          ~)`                           
 `(_(@)  (@)_)`                            
   (_`____`_)                              
     !$%$%$!                               

#1378: THE FISH SAYS

Wed, 2003 Apr 2

911

  THIS COMIC STRIP WAS SO MUCH
     MORE UPBEAT BEFORE 9/11  
                              
              /               
             /                
      _.:::.                  
     /o''    '''./)           
     >\.))...''' \)           
Fog                           

#1744: COMPLETELY CAREFUL

Fri, 2004 Apr 2

       -""\                                                               
    .-"  .`)     (                                                        
   j   .'_+     :[                )      .^--..                           
  i    -"       |l                ].    /      i                          
 ," .:j         `8o  _,,+.,.--,   d|   `:::;    b                         
 i  :'|          "88p;.  (-."_"-.oP        \.   :                         
 ; .  (            >,%%%   f),):8"          \:'  i                        
i  :: j          ,;%%%:; ; ; i:%%%.,        i.   `.                       
i  `: ( ____  ,-::::::' ::j  [:```          [8:   )                       
<  ..``'::::8888oooooo.  :(jj(,;,,,         [8::  <                       
`. ``:.      oo.8888888888:;%%%8o.::.+888+o.:`:'  |                       
 `.   `        `o`88888888b`%%%%%88< Y888P""'-    ;                       
   "`---`.       Y`888888888;;.,"888b."""..::::'-'                        
          "-....  b`8888888:::::.`8888._::-"                              
             `:::. `:::::O:::::::.`%%'|                                   
              `.      "``::::::''    .'   I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, COOK YOU,
                `.                   <   AND THEN EAT THE EVIDENCE        
                  +:         `:   -';                                     
                   `:         : .::/   COME TO THINK ABOUT IT I SHOULD    
                    ;+_  :::. :..;;;  CRAP YOU OUT AND THEN EAT THE FECES 
                LS  ;;;;,;;;;;;;;,;;  TO COVER ALL BASES                  
                                                                          
                                      NO REASON NOT TO BE COMPLETELY      
                                      CAREFUL HERE                        

#2109: YOU CAN'T RAPE A SLUT

Sat, 2005 Apr 2

    _"_ %        YOU CAN'T RAPE A SLUT                          
    (<  ?                                                       
     ` "         SORRY IT'S JUST A LAW OF NATURE, LIKE GRAVITY  
    __||___                                                     
   |\___//_\     OKAY WELL MAYBE I SUPPOSE YOU COULD RAPE       
   (' | ') \\    ONE IF IT WAS ASLEEP BUT THAT'S GETTING PRETTY 
 __|\ , /  |/    ACADEMIC, NO JURY WOULD EVER CONVICT           
/:  /   \  ::                                                   
\| ######o /|    OR MAYBE IF THEY WERE NORMAL SLUTS BUT DIDN'T  
  ######## \)    TAKE IT IN THE POOPER YEAH I GUESS THAT WOULD  
  ########       BE ANOTHER EXAMPLE MR. BRINGDOWN               
   \ :  /                                                       
    \: /         THIS IS A LOT THE IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST
     --          THING                                          
     %%%                                                        
      %%         ONLY WITH SLUTS AND MAYBE RAPE                 
       %                                                        
      /:\                                                       
     |/|, b'ger                                                 

#2474: PROPHYLACTICALLY

Sun, 2006 Apr 2

        _______                             
VK  ___/_____ _)____     BEATING OFF        
 .-'-'   ____)______)                       
|    .-'    ______)__)    (PROPHYLACTICALLY)
|    ---    _______))                       
|    `-.   _______))                        
 `---.___________)                          

#2839: AURORA JOLIE

Mon, 2007 Apr 2

aurora jolie, pornstar

 |   [  | v':    :              |        |_,;c                           
 | ]    |/; |,   |              |   [  ( __,/      DEAR AURORA JOLIE,    
 |    ,-'/  ;\ ,<  _',\.-._,;   |      ] |    n                          
 |   -' /   _;';    '=_'-' ,)  ,\        |   ,;    YOUR LINE ABOUT BEING 
 |  ]  / \,'__/--,_,-- 'mm'J -"_  ]       '-,+_    A VIRGIN ISN'T FOOLING
 |    /    / "''-.,;"---''--'"" \      ]   __  "-' ANYBODY               
;' [      / :    : _c           /         /  ",_,'                       
|      [ | v|  , '/             c c    \ |         ONCE YOU'VE PUT IT IN 
\    ]   |  \ /| :        __,-,v;|]   . \|         YOUR MOUTH AND ASS YOU
  [      /"--'/  |      (7_   c@  )    )/|         PRETTY MUCH LOSE ANY  
\     ]    ,-"'<':       '--,    (    /^ |         HIGH GROUND YOU MIGHT 
| ]       / :   '|           \ |  )      |         HAVE CLAIMED ACCORDING
| |   /  |  |    ;,-;,        \ ,)(     ]|         TO THE LAWS OF GOD AND
|  \^ |  |  :  |\ ,'           \ / \ [   |         MAN                   
|  ?  /  \_ |  /|:              | , \    |                               
|  | ('.   "--' |:,    ;        :\  ,\  [|                               
|  ;\~)   _     \_) ',_|   ,    | ),  \_ :                               
|   |/ [ /""-,_   '-'(    /.'   | \   |  '-_                             
| [      |  |  "---,__"'=';=,_  |  \ /|\    '"-,__                       
|     ]  |  :    |    ""'^.\    |   | |    \                             
|  [    ]|  |    :              | ]  \ \   /  _AsH                       

#3205: THE BUNNY OATH

Wed, 2008 Apr 2

      |\     /|           |\     /|                                       
      | \   / |           |\\   //|    NO MORE BUNNIES (ALL FUCKED OUT)   
      |  | |  |           | \| |/ |                                       
      \  | |  /           \ || || /    POP, POOF, BANG                    
       \ |_| /             \||_||/                                        
       .'   '.             .'   '.     AND THEN SUDDENLY FEATHERS SLOWLY  
       |     |             |o   o|     FLOATING TO THE GROUND             
      /       \           /=  Y  =\                                       
      `'-. .-'`           `'-.^.-'`    (BUNNIES AREN'T MADE OF FEATHERS   
        _| |_               _| |_      SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY         
      /`     `\           /`     `\    CAME FROM)                         
     | /     \ |         |         |                                      
     |/       \|         |  (   )  |     MY SOLEM PROMISE TO YOU:         
     /         \         /\  \ /  /\                                      
    |   .-~-.   |       |  '._)_.'  |      WHEN I FUCK OUT A BUNNY I'M NOT
    \  {     }  /       \           /      DOING IT FOR ME OR FOR YOU OR  
jgs  \  '-=-'  /         \ '.___.' /       EVEN FOR THE BUNNY             
  .--'  ;---;  '--.   .--'  \---/  '--.                                   
 `-------' '-------` `-------' '-------`   I'M DOING IT FOR ALL OF US     

#3570: PROBABLY NOT THE SECOND ONE

Thu, 2009 Apr 2

         _______________                                                
    ()==(              (@==()     IT IS MY DEEP AND UNALIENABLE RIGHT TO
         '______________'|        BE OFFENDED AT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING    
           |             |        AND EVERYTHING AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT  
           |             |        UNTIL YOUR EARS BLEED                 
         __)_____________|                                              
    ()==(               (@==()    I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S IN ONE OF THOSE  
PjP      '--------------'         THERE AMENDMENTS                      
                                                                        
                                  PROBABLY NOT THE SECOND ONE THOUGH    

#3935: Q-TIPS

Fri, 2010 Apr 2

   __       I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO INSERT Q-TIPS INTO         
  /,-       YOUR EAR CANAL BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF SINCE IT'S SO SEXY
  ||)                                                                
  \\_, )                                                             
   `--'                                                              
ejm                                                                  

#4300: QED

Sat, 2011 Apr 2

      .-.                                            
     (/^\)   WELP BAD DAY AT WORK SO IT'S TIME GO OUT
     (\ /)   AND STRANGLE STREETWALKERS              
     .-'-.                                           
    /(_I_)\                                          
    \\) (//                                          
     /   \   DOING IT WILL MAKE FEEL BETTER          
     \ | /                                           
      \|/                                            
      /|\                                            
      \|/    QUAD ERAT DEMONSTRANGLEM'               
jgs   /Y\                                            

#4666: REGRET THE ERROR

Mon, 2012 Apr 2

         __________                                                 
        |DAILY NEWS|                                                
        |&&& ======|   BARACK OBAMA DOES NOT IN FACT HAVE A GLEAMING
        |=== ======|   JEWEL OF A HUGE, BLACK COCK THAT URINATES    
        |=== == %%$|   DELICIOUS, GOLDEN KOLSCH LAGER.              
        |[_] ======|                                                
        |=== ===!##|   HUFFINGTON POST REGRETS THE ERROR.           
ejm97   |__________|                                                

#5031: TIME TRAVEL JOURNEY

Tue, 2013 Apr 2

dr. who

         .---.                                                               
        |   '.|  __                                                          
        | ___.--'  )                                                         
      _.-'_` _%%%_/          I AM A TIME TRAVELLER !!!!!!1                   
   .-'%%% a: a %%%                                                           
       %%  L   %%_           HERE I AM IN MY TIME MACHINE !!!!!!11           
       _%\'=' |  /-.__                                                       
    .-' / )--' #/     '\     I AM GOING BACK IN TIME !!1!!!                  
   /'  /  /---'(    :   \                                                    
  /   |  /( /|##|  \     |   I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME !!!11
 /   ||# | / | /|   \    \                                                   
 |   ||##| I \/ |   |   _|   I AM NOW TWO MINUTES BACK IN TIME !!!!!!        
 |   ||: | o  |#|   |  / |                                                   
 |   ||  / I  |:/  /   |/    DUDE THIS TIME TRAVEL JOURNEY SUCKS             
 |   ||  | o   /  /    /                                                     
 |   \|  | I  |. /    /                                                      
  \  /|##| o  |.|    /                                                       
   \/ \::|/\_ /  ---'|                                                       
    \ |\ |    |     :\                                                       
    | |  /     \...' |                                                       
    | |# |/\    \    |                                                       
    | | :|  |    |   |                                                       
snd | |  |  |    |   |                                                       

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