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#337: DON'T LOOK AT ME

Fri, 2000 May 26

                         ./'.            .'\.                              
                         './ '.        .' \.'                              
      _.--~~'--.._         './ '.    .' \.'       _..--'~~--._             
    .'            ~~-._      './.'..'.\.'     _.~~            `.           
  .'       ,;:::::;,   ~-._      .--.      _.~   ,;:::::;,      `.         
 '`.      ,;.-'  `-.:;   \|~-._.-::::-._.-~;|/  ,;.-'  `-.;,      `.       
'  `.     ;/  .--.  \;'   '   (::::::::)    `  ,;/  .--.  \:;    .' `.     
' ,;'`.  ,;\  `--'  /;,  //;   ::::::::    ;\\ ;;\  `--'  /;'  .' `:, '    
 `._,;`-. ,;`-.__.-':;'  \\;    ::::::     ;//  ,;`-.__.-':;. '`;,_.'      
    `.,;'`.  `;::::'     )/"    ::::::     '\(    `;:::::;'.'`;.'          
      `.,;'`.                   .::::.                   .'`;.'            
        `.,;'`.               .'::::::.               .-'`;.'  DON'T LOOK  
          `.,;'`-.          .'  :::::: `.          .-'`;..'  AT ME I DIDN'T
            `-._,;`--.___ .'    ::::::   `.    _.-'`;_.-'        DO IT     
                `-.____.-'      `::::'     `-.'___.-'                      
                 .'.;;::::;,    \.::./   .;;::::;,`.                       
               .',::.-""-.::.    \  /   ,::.-""-.::.`.                     
              /  ;:: (_)  :;;     \/    .::  (_) ::;  \                    
             /   ;:`-.__.-';;      \    ;:`-.__.-';;   \                   
            `.`.  `::::::::'      .'     ;::::::::'  .'.'                  
              `.`._             .'.               _.'.'                    
     jro        `-.;-._______.-'   `-._________.-;.-'                      

#702: MOMMY'S ROOM

Sat, 2001 May 26

   .--"--.                                              
  /       \                                             
 /  o o    \                I'M SNEAKING INTO MY MOMMY'S
(    ^     ,)                  ROOM SO I CAN SUCK HER   
 \   __,   /-._                                         
  `._____.'    `--.__                                   
         \ /         `/``"""'-.                         
          Y    7     /         :                        
          |   /     |  .--.     :                       
          /  /__     \/    `.__.:.____.-.               
         /  / / `"""`/    .-"..____.-.   \              
jgs  _.-'  /_/      (                 \-. \             
    `=----'          `----------'""`-. \ `"             
                                      `"                

#1067: STEPHEN JAY GOULD

Sun, 2002 May 26

peanuts

     REST IN PEACE   
   STEPHEN JAY GOULD 
          ____       
      .-'&    '-.    
     /           \   
    :   o    o    ;  
   (      (_       ) 
    :             ;  
     \    __     /   
      `-._____.-'    
        /`"""`\      
       /    ,  \     
      /|/\/\/\ _\    
     (_|/\/\/\\__)   
       |_______|     
      __)_ |_ (__    
jgs  (_____|_____)   
                     
 LOOKS LIKE EVOLUTION
    WON THAT FIGHT   

#1432: SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA

Mon, 2003 May 26

space shuttle

        ^        I DEDICATE THIS FILET-O-FISH TO THE BRAVE CREW   
      <   >      OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA                    
     |     |                                                      
     |     |     THE FUTURE DOESN'T BELONG TO THE FAINTHEARTED;   
     |     |     IT BELONGS TO THE BRAVE                          
   " |  ^  | "                                                    
  | || | | || |  EVERYONE KNOWS IT WAS A ZIONIST CONSPIRACY ANYWAY
  | || ( ) || |                                                   
  |_|| "_" ||_|                                                   
  | ||/"_"\|| |                                                   
  |_|/ "_" \|_|                                                   
  | /  "_" _\ |                                                   
  |<___"|"___>|                                                   
  | |  ^^^  | |                                                   
  /_\       /_\                                                   
 /|||\ """ /|||\                                                  
/|||||\   /|||||\ JD                                              

#1798: HANDS UP

Wed, 2004 May 26

pornstar, understatement

       _.-._                                     
      | | | |_                                   
      | | | | |   HANDS UP WHO THINKS LATIN SPICE
      | | | | |   HAS KIND OF A BIG ASS          
    _ |  '-._ |                                  
    \`\`-.'-._;                                  
     \    '   |                                  
      \  .`  /                                   
jgs    |    |                                    

#2163: SECOND WORST

Thu, 2005 May 26

   ^__^         /                    
   (oo)\_______/  _________          
   (__)\       )=(  ____|_ \_____    
       ||----w |  \ \     \_____ |   
       ||     ||   ||           ||   
                                     
THIS IS THE SECOND WORST BLOWJOB EVER

#2528: THE FIRST DAY

Fri, 2006 May 26

____                                                                
\   \                                                               
_\___\_    TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE .........
 / " _)                                                             
((\__-_\                                                            
 /    \\                                                            
/__|  /\\                                                           
UUU  /  /                                                           
  | /,_/      .................................. KNOWING YOU'RE GAY 
  |/|\ |__                                                          
  /__\____\   gnv                                                   

#2893: TRUE STORY

Sat, 2007 May 26

true story

      ___                                                   
    ,#####---._                                             
   /#####,-'~~~`                                            
  |##' ~|                                                   
  ###   \       IF YOU TRY TO FUCK AN EMPEROR PENGUIN YOU'LL
 ,###    `.      JUST MAKE IT ANGRIER (TRUE STORY)          
 ####.    `.                                                
,#####     |                                                
######     |                                                
####'      |                                                
##'##     /                                                 
#' \_    /                                                  
    `-,|'==-                                                
EA   /|\                                                    
    `~`~'                                                   

#3259: ZOMBIE II: THE RETURN OF THE ZOMBIE

Mon, 2008 May 26

zombie*

                /|      __                           
               / |   ,-~ /                           
              Y :|  //  /                            
              | jj /( .^                             
              >-"~"-v"                               
             /       Y                               
            jo  o    |   NUGGGGGH MUST TONGUE CARROTS
           ( ~T~     j                               
            >._-' _./                                
           /   "~"  |                                
          Y     _,  |                                
         /| ;-"~ _  l                                
        / l/ ,-"~    \                               
        \//\/      .- \                              
         Y        /    Y*                            
         l       I     !                             
         ]\      _\    /"\                           
        (" ~----( ~   Y.  )                          
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                           

#3624: ELLA ENCHANTED

Tue, 2009 May 26

                __                                         
               /__`.                                       
              / \ `\\                                      
             /   \  `\                                     
            /     \   \                                    
           /_______\  /\                                   
           (((( ))))                                       
          (((' . ')))    ELLA KIDNAPPED, RAPED, FUCKED OUT,
          (((\_-_/)))     ENCHANTED, AND THEN TOSSED       
          (((_) (_)))                                      
         /((( \ / )))\                                     
        / (((  ^  ))) \                                    
       / / ((  ^  )) \ \                                   
      ( (   \  ^  /   ) )                                  
       \ \   )www(   / /                                   
        `\\ /     \ //'                                    
          /'       `\                                      
         /           \                                     
        /             \                                    
       /               \                                   
      /                 \                                  
     /                   \                                 
    /                     \                                
   /                       \                               
  /                         \                              
 /                           \ jgs                         
|                             |                            
 `-----......_____......-----'                             

#3989: OCEAN SOUNDS

Wed, 2010 May 26

   /\                                                        
  {.-}    LIFT ME TO YOUR EAR AND LISTEN TO THE OCEAN        
 ;_.-'\                                                      
{    _.}_                                                    
 \.-' /  `,                                                  
  \  |    /                                                  
   \ |  ,/   DON'T MIND THE TOURETTE'S I CAN'T REALLY HELP IT
jgs \|_/                                                     

#4354: TOOL BAG

Thu, 2011 May 26

space shuttle

     __,              _                                                      
  .-'  /   ,  jgs   ./ |    ___________________                              
.'    /   / `.     /  /    /  ____________    //\_                           
|    /   /   |   /'  /    |  (____________)  ||.'`-.________________________ 
|    \__/    |  /   /     |    ____________ ||`._.-'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
`.          .' /    \      \__(____________)__\\/                            
  `.      .'  |      `\                                                      
    | ][ |    |        |                                __________________   
    | ][ |    |        |____________________...-------'''-  -  =- - =  - =`  
    | ][ |   /|        |                    \-  =   -  -= - =  - =-   =  -=| 
    | ][ |  ( |        |                     |= -= - = - =  = - =--= = - ==| 
    | ][ |   \|        |____________________/- = - -= =_- =_-=_ -=_=-=_=_=-| 
    | ][ |    |        |                   ```------...___________________.' 
    | ][ |    |________|                                                     
    | ][ |      \    /                                       _               
  .'  __  `.    |    |                              ,,,,,,, /=\              
  |  /  \  |  ,-'    `-,       /\___________       (\\\\\\\||=|              
  |  \__/  |  |        |       \/~~~~~~~~~~~`       ^^^^^^^ \=/              
  `.      .'  `--------'                                     `               
    `----'                              ____________________________         
       _____                          ,\\    ___________________    \        
      |     `------------------------'  ||  (___________________)   `|       
 jgs  |_____.------------------------._ ||  ____________________     |       
                                      `//__(____________________)___/        
                                                                             
   ______________________                                                    
 .'   __                 `.                                                  
 |  .'__`.    = = = =     |_.-----._                             .---.       
 |  `.__.'    = = = =     | |     | \ _______________           / .-. \      
 |`.                      | |     |  |  ````````````,)          \ `-' /      
 |  `.                    |_|     |_/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'            `---'       
 |    `-;___              | `-----'                   ___                    
 |        /\``---..._____.'               _  _...--'''   ``-._               
 |       |  \                            /\\`                 `._            
 |       |   )              __..--''\___/  \\     _.-'```''-._   `;          
 |       |  /              /       .'       \\_.-'            ````           
 |       | /              |_.-.___|  .-.   .'~                               
 |       `(               | `-'      `-'  ;`._                               
 |         `.     jgs      \__       ___.'  //`-._          _,,,             
 |           )                ``--../   \  //     `-.,,,..-'    `;           
 `----------'                            \//,_               _.-'            
                                          ^   ```--...___..-'                
                                                                             
                          _.---.                            .---.            
     ,--------,          '---,  `.________________________.'  _  `.          
   ,--------,' |              )   ________________________   <_>  :          
  |    _     | |         .---'  .'                        `.     .'          
  |  .' `.   | |          `----'                            `---'            
  |  `._.'   | |                                                             
  |          |,',-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-==,        
  |__________\---------------------------------------------------=='         
                                                                             
      WHEN THE SPACE SHUTTLE IS FINALLY RETIRED I THINK WHAT WILL            
      BE NOTED MOST IN THE HISTORY BOOKS IS THAT TOOL BAG THAT               
      DUMB BITCH LOST DURING ONE OF THOSE MISSIONS A FEW YEARS AGO           
                                                                             
      PROVING ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT IF YOU WANT A SPACE JOB DONE RIGHT       
                                                                             
      DON'T SEND A GODDAMN GIRL                                              

#4720: HITLER'S COMPLAINT

Sat, 2012 May 26

hitler, nazi

  I'VE NEVER DRIVEN A CAR WITH     
  A TRIPOMETER THAT ACTUALLY WORKED
              ___   /              
             / (`\\   ,            
             c` 9\9  .  '          
        ___.-| -_"/                
       /\===\|_/===\               
      /`< __ >/ __|,\              
b'ger( - | '|/o| '|- \             

#5085: MITCHUM SLOGAN CLARIFICATION

Sun, 2013 May 26

         -.            .      .-.                                           
              '       /      / ./                                           
       _  __,     .--'      / <                                             
      ~_-~ /     <         <   \_ .-~7                                      
    _. \   >      \.-'\     >`   ~ .-~                                      
   <  ><  /         ,  7   <      ~7                                        
   /_/  ! \       .-L  \  _//   <'~                                         
   ~  .-~  !      ! /o& `' .     7                                          
      _>_._ >  _.-' '-._.-._.--./                                           
     '-~   ~._/                                                .'           
       ,-.-'                                                .-~<            
      <                                                  __/    > -'        
       \                                               -~ ___--/            
        7                                ..   .       /_//     \__          
        !       _.-.     ..             <  ~v~       '            \         
 .-~---'   .-.-~    ~\  <  \            /            |          __/         
 )         >      o  <   >  \           \_.--._      |O        |    .__,--_ 
/       .-'      <>   \  \   7       .  '            )        / d  . _>   /.
7       > . - '        > _\  !   _,-' `.             \       /.._  .)    <  
~--,.--'           ._ /.- ~` <   \ .   \              `     |<   \  `-.__/  
                   7/ ~       \.,< .  ` `-~-.-~       |    /  \__//.--...<| 
                                 __  . `              '-.__\\  - ' '--~|/   
                                                                            
                                                                            
WHEN WE SAY OUR DEODORANT IS "SO EFFECTIVE YOU COULD SKIP A DAY"            
THAT DOES NOT APPLY IF THE CONTINENT YOU WERE BORN ON LOOKS LIKE THIS       

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