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#60: GUESS WHAT BABY DID

Mon, 1999 Aug 23

GUESS WHAT      .=@=.     
 BABY DID     /     \     
              | 6.6 |     
              (  _  )     
             .-'---'-.    
            /  .   .  \   
          _/ /|  ,  |\ \_ 
         (__/{`"==="`}\__)
             /\_   _/\    
           _|  /`"`\  |_  
      jgs ( \ /     \ / ) 
           \_/       \_/  

#426: HEMORRHOIDS

Wed, 2000 Aug 23

Qg.      _                               
`QQg.    )QQQQQp.                        
  `QQgo.JQQQQQQQQb   OH GOD              
    `QQQ`  `QQQQQQb     THESE HEMORRHOIDS
      )` 9    `QQQQb       ARE KILLING ME
    _/    _)   `QQQQb    Q.              
   (.. __/ )    `QQQb    QQb.            
   `====` J      `QQQb   QQQQ            
  _____  /       QQQQb  \QQ/             
 / _   \|        QQQQQQB  dD             
/   \\  \        QQQQQQQQ dD             
|###| |  (__/    `QQQQQQQ dD             
       \/       )  `QQQQP dD             
      _/_ .___./    (    dD              
     /   /\_         \  dD               
     \###\  \_         \dD               
           _/`\        dD                
         _/            `|                
        /      `)      /                 
       |       /      /                  
       (     /|       (                  
        `,  ( (        )                 
          )  \ \.__.   \                 
        _/_  /      \   `)               
       /    /       )   /                
       |###| ilmk _/_  /                 
                 /    /                  
                 |###|                   

#791: JURASSIC

Thu, 2001 Aug 23

                     /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_                 
 _+=+_             _[~  /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_              
{""|""}         [~~~    [~   /~~~~~~~~~\_            
 """:-'~[~[~"~[~  ((++     [~  _/~~~~~~~~\_          
      '=_   [    ,==, ((++    [    /~~~~~~~\-~~~-.   
         ~-_ _=+-(   )/   ((++  .~~~.[~~~~(  {@} \`. 
                 /   }\ /     (     }     (   .   ''}
                (  .+   \ /  //     )    / .,  """"/ 
                \\  \     \ (   .+~~\_  /.= /'""""   
            r.m <"_V_">      \\  \    ~~~~~~\\  \    
                              \\  \          \\  \   
                              <"_V_">        <"_V_"> 
                                                     
       LOOK MOM IT'S JURASSIC PLOP                   
                                                     
       WE WOULD ALSO HAVE ACCEPTED:                  
      LOOK MOM IT'S A SUCKULOSAURUS                  

#1156: JERK PRINCIPLES

Fri, 2002 Aug 23

   ,--,                                                               
  // \_\    JERK PRINCIPLE NUMBER ONE                                 
  |^/^ )      PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT FOR WATCHING IT IS FOR JERKING OFF TO
   \-_/                                                               
 .-'  '-.   JERK PRINCIPLE NUMBER TWO                                 
|_____/  |    PLOT IN PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES IS MERELY DISTRACTING       
\________/                                                            
\________\  JERK PRINCIPLE NUMBER THREE                               
 /  |   |     NO TALKING                                              
 |__\___|                                                             
  |    |    JERK PRINCIPLE NUMBER FOUR                                
  |  | |      IF THE PORN MAKES YOU LAUGH OR CONFUSED THEN IT IS BAD  
  |_ |_|                                                              
  |  | |                                                              
 _|__|_|o,o,o,o,                                                      
(____/ \       _o                                                     
 jgs \_/      /  \                                                    
              \__/                                                    

#1521: ONE MOMENT

Sat, 2003 Aug 23

           \|/                 
          .--.                 
         /' '/ __              
   _____/ o /_|  |             
  |  __    ______|             
  '.' /   /                    
     /   /                     
    /   /____                  
 __/ |''___  )                 
(____)jsm  | |                 
           '.'                 
                               
A MOMENT OF SILENCE OVERCOMES  
THE AUDIENCE AS THEY LOOK UPON 
THE WANG-SHAPED STICK FIGURE   
AND WONDER WHAT THE LINES AT   
THE TOP OF THE DRAWING ARE     
INTENDED TO INDICATE           
                               
THIS IS A SAD DAY FOR DEMOCRACY
INDEED                         

#1887: ?UESTLOVE

Mon, 2004 Aug 23

       ________                                               
   _jgN########Ngg_                                           
 _N##N@@""  ""9NN##Np_    I LIKE HOW QUESTLOVE SPELLS HIS NAME
d###P            N####p   WITH A QUESTION MARK                
"^^"              T####                                       
                  d###P                                       
               _g###@F                                        
            _gN##@P       ON SECOND THOUGHT NO I DON'T        
          gN###F"                                             
         d###F                                                
        0###F                                                 
        0###F                                                 
        0###F DH                                              
        "NN@'                                                 
                                                              
         ___                                                  
        q###r                                                 
         ""                                                   

#2252: HOWIE MANDEL

Tue, 2005 Aug 23

                   _                                                   
                  ( \      SO IT TURNS OUT HOWIE MANDEL ISN'T DEAD     
       __         _)_\_     FOR SOME STRANGE REASON                    
      ' \;---.-._S_____2_                                              
        /   / /_/       (______        SO WHO KEEPS FEEDING THIS FUCKER
     __(  _;-'    =    =|____._'.__                                    
    /   _/     _  @\ _(@(      '--.\    I THOUGHT WE ALL AGREED HE WAS 
    (_ /      /\  _   =( ) ___     \\    TO BE EUTHANIZED (IT IS THE   
      /      /\ \_ '.___'-.___~.    '\    ONLY HUMANE THING TO DO)     
snd  /      /\ \__'--') '-.__c` \    |                                 
    |     .'  )___'--'/  /`)     \   /                                 
    |    |'-|    _|--'\_(_/       '.'                                  
    |    |   \_  -\                                                    
     \   |     \ /`)                                                   
      '._/      (_/                                                    

#2617: DEPARTMENT OF WELLNESS

Wed, 2006 Aug 23

election 2004

 __                                                                 
/ \--..____                                                         
 \ \       \-----,,,..                                              
  \ \       \         \--,,..                                       
   \ \       \         \  ,'                                        
    \ \       \         \ ``..                                      
     \ \       \         \-''                                       
      \ \       \__,,--'''                                          
       \ \       \.                                                 
        \ \      ,/        WELL I GUESS THE BOTTOM LINE HERE IS THAT
         \ \__..-          THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO COME OUT OF  
          \ \              THIS PAST ELECTION IS THAT NOW WE WON'T  
           \ \             HAVE A DEPARTMENT OF FUCKING WELLNESS    
            \ \   :F_P:                                             
             \ \                                                    
              \ \                                                   
               \ \                                                  
                \ \                                                 
                 \ \                                                
                  \ \                                               

#2982: A HORRIBLE CONDITION

Thu, 2007 Aug 23

   ".----'`v'`----."    I HAVE PISS-IN-MOUTH DISEASE        
    \`----._.----'/                                         
hjw  `.--.___.--.'    OR MAYBE "HJW" DOES, WHOEVER THAT IS  
       `-.___.-'                                            
                  I'M NOT REALLY SURE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE

#3348: INTERJECTION

Sat, 2008 Aug 23

   .---.               .---.      OOH A DICK          
  / .-./               \.-. \                         
 /-(     /`._______.'\     )-\    OOH A DICK          
(   )    \           /    (   )                       
 `-'      \         /      `-'    OOH A DICK          
           \       /                                  
            \     /                                   
 VK         |`-^-'|                                   
            |     |               OOH A DICK (REPRISE)

#3713: A SERIOUS NATIONAL DISCUSSION

Sun, 2009 Aug 23

topical

         .-""""-.                                                        
         |==  ==|-.     I'D LIKE TO HAVE A SERIOUS NATIONAL DISCUSSION   
         |~~ ~~~|`\\    ABOUT HEALTHCARE:                                
         |LILILI| ||                                                     
         |      |//                                                      
         |      |/                                                       
         |      |       GGHLGHLGBHAULGALHGAULLUHGAUHGLABHBHGULBH DIARRHEA
jgs    __|______|__                                                      
      [____________]                                                     

#4078: LADY GAGY LYRICS

Mon, 2010 Aug 23

 ,(()).  ,;;;;.     __ ________  _____  ___      
((_  _));'_`'_(   _| __  __ __ _| _| _| __  __   
()  \ /)\   ) /  (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|--   
((\ O(() \ O /   _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt
                                                 
 LET'S ANALYZE LADY GAGA LYRICS:                 
                                                 
 FUCKING STUPID                                  
                                                 
 OKAY DONE                                       

#4443: EVIDENCE

Tue, 2011 Aug 23

           _,-----._                                             
        ,-',,-----..`-.                                          
      ,',-'  mMMMm  `-.`.                                        
_____/ /    MM'L'MM    \ \____                                   
|   / /     MM-=-MM     \ \   `.                                 
|  | |      ,-' '-.      | | HD `.                               
|  | |     |(o Y o)|     | |     |   I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS   
|   \ \     \) . (/     / /      |   BUT I'M WILLING TO HEAR MORE
|   |\ \    (  _  )    / /|      |                               
|   |_`.`-.  \ Y /  ,-',<_|      |                               
|       `-.``-----'',-<  `.      |                               
|    ______``-----''___`.  `.    |                               
|    |                   `.  `.  |                               
|    |                     `.  `.|                               
|    |                      |`.,'|                               
|    |                      |    |                               
|    | hjm                  |    |                               
| [] |______________________| [] |                               
|________________________________|                               

#4809: NATO CODENAME DONGLE

Thu, 2012 Aug 23

               \ /                                          \   /              
              --o--           `\\             //'      .____-/.\-____.         
                                \\           //             ~`-'~              
                                 \\. __-__ .//                                 
                       ___/-_.-.__`/~     ~\'__.-._-\___                       
.|.       ___________.'__/__ ~-[ \.\'-----'/./ ]-~ __\__`.___________       .|.
~o~~~~~~~--------______-~~~~~-_/_/ |   .   | \_\_-~~~~~-______--------~~~~~~~o~
' `               + + +  (X)(X)  ~--\__ __/--~  (X)(X)  + + +               ' `
                             (X) `/.\' ~ `/.\' (X)                             
                                 "\_/"   "\_/"                                 
                                                                               
                       MY DICK HAS A NATO REPORTING NAME                       

#5174: CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

Fri, 2013 Aug 23

   /___/____/____/____/_____/_______/______                      
  /_/____/____/___/______/_____/_____/___                        
 /_____/____/______/___/____/___/______/___/                     
/__/_____/_o__o/____/____/___/_____/____/______                  
 |        o__O_\o                                                
 |       __o  \ o                                                
 |      __o| __) o           _______                             
 |      | || \_/  o o       |  ___  |     WELP IT'S LATE AUGUST  
      |_|_||/\_|      o     | |   |                              
     || | |/_/\_\      o    | |__         TIME TO START PUTTING  
     ||_|_/I/  \_\     o    |             UP THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
     |___/_/    \_\   o     |()                                  
        /_/      \_\ o      |                                    
       /_/        \_\ o o   |                                    
      / /    ejm   \ \    o |_ o  o  o  o                        
                            o o            o                     
                                             o                   

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