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#191: HOMO PLANE

Sat, 2000 Jan 1

            /\                                  
           /__\                                 
          //  \\                                
         |/____\|  I AM THE HOMO PLANE !!!!!!!!!
         |      |  DELIVERING HOMOS TO LOCATIONS
         |  |   |  NEAR YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
         |      |                               
        /|   |  |\                              
       / |      | \                             
      /  |  |   |  \                            
     / _ |      | _ \                           
    / /[||   |  ||]\ \                          
   / |][||      ||][| \                         
  /  |][||  |   ||][|  \                        
 /   |__||      ||__|   \                       
/        |  ||  |        \                      
|________|  ||  |________|                      
         |______|                               
          |____|                                

#557: YOU HEARD HIM FOLKS

Mon, 2001 Jan 1

                                                                  
              _-~~~~-     ASS FUCK ME UNTIL I SHIT BLOOD          
             -   @  @|   /                                        
            '         \                                           
            |\      .. |         |\    /|                         
      \     ' `. '\___/` .`.     | \,,/_/                         
      |\_  /    `-____--//    __/ \/    \      YOU HEARD HIM FOLKS
       \ \/    .\\     \/  _--/     (D)  \     OH WHAT DO I KNOW  
        \    .'  \\     |   -/    (_      \    I'M A HORSE        
         `.   \  /'     |   /       \_ / ==\  /                   
   __------\   |       .'_/         / \_ O o)                     
  /        _|  /`-__-'/             /   \==/                      
 /        |   \                    /                              
||         \__/                 \_/\                              
||         /              _      /  |                             
| |      /--______      ___\    /\  :                             
| /   __-  - _/   ------    |  |   \ \                            
 |   -  -   /                | |     \ )                          
 |  |   -  |                 | )     | |                          
  | |    | |                 | |    | |                           
  | |    < |                 | |   |_/                            
  < |    /__\                <  \                                 
  /__\                       /___\                                

#922: INTERNALIZE

Tue, 2002 Jan 1

     I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY                                   
     YOU WON'T FUCK ME                                         
                                     MY THERAPIST SAID I       
            |                        SHOULD INTERNALIZE MORE   
                                                               
     THEN HOW ABOUT I FUCK YOU                       |         
                                                               
            |                        OKAY LHGGHLGAHLGHALGHALGAH
                                                               
     GAHLGAHLGAHLGAHLGAHLGAHLAG                    /           
                                                  /            
             \                                                 
                          __                         *         
 (                <''\\\  \ \                 *  v  ; *        
*                 <___ \ W\___\              * : @ /   *       
**                    |  (o  (|             *   \oO   -*       
  ***/-----_____  ___-         \_            *-   oO    *      
    /           --              _O             * )) V ((       
   /                      _^^^^^U                              
  / __/\         \ \ ___\ \                                    
 / /  \ \-------- \ \    \ \                                   
 \ \   \ \         \ \    \ \                                  
  ww    ww          ww     ww DS                               
                                                               

#1287: TOTALLY DID ANAL

Wed, 2003 Jan 1

OKAY SO                                           
                                                  
I WAS CROSSING THE STREET AND THIS GUY WAS LIKE   
                                                  
"HEY YOU'RE CUTE"                                 
                                                  
AND I'M ALL                                       
                                                  
"GROSS DUDE"                                      
                                                  
AND HE'S ALL LIKE                                 
                                                  
"BITCH I'VE GOT A GUN GET IN THE CAR"             
                                                  
SO LIKE I TOTALLY DID ANAL FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
                                                  
SIGN MY GUESTBOOK                                 
                                                  
          \      ., _                             
           \    /    `                            
            \  ((|)))))                           
               ((/ a a                            
               )))   >)                           
              ((((._e((                           
             ,--/ (-.                             
            / \ <\/>/|                            
           / /)  Lo )|                            
          / / )    / |                            
         |   /    ( /                             
         |  /     ;/                              
         ||(      |                               
        / )|/|    \                               
       |/'/\ \_____\                              
            \   |  \                              
             \  |\  \                             
             |  | )  )                            
             )  )/  /                             
            /  /   /                              
           /   |  /                               
          /    | /                                
         /     ||                                 
        /      ||                                 
         '-,_  |_\                                
           ( '"'-`                                
   gpyy                                           

#1652: THE ONION

Thu, 2004 Jan 1

onion

                    ~                                                
                   /~    THE ONION IS KIND OF FUNNY IF YOU SQUINT    
             \  \ /**    AND ONLY READ THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THE     
              \ ////     ONE-LINER JOKE WHICH LASTS TWENTY PARAGRAPHS
              // //      AND IF YOU ACTUALLY DON'T REALLY PAY        
             // //       ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY WROTE AND INSTEAD    
           ///&//        MAKE UP YOUR OWN PUNCHLINE OR BETTER YET    
          / & /\ \       JUST KIND OF DON'T EVEN READ THE HEADLINES  
        /  & .,,  \      AND IMAGINE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN  
      /& %  :       \    FUNNY AND CHUCKLE AT THAT INSTEAD           
    /&  %   :  ;     `\                                              
   /&' &..%   !..    `.\                                             
  /&' : &''" !  ``. : `.\                                            
 /#' % :  "" * .   : : `.\                                           
I# :& :  !"  *  `.  : ::  I                                          
I &% : : !%.` '. . : : :  I                                          
I && :%: .&.   . . : :  : I                                          
I %&&&%%: WW. .%. : :     I                                          
 \&&&##%%%`W! & '  :   ,'/                                           
  \####ITO%% W &..'  #,'/                                            
    \W&&##%%&&&&### %./                                              
      \###j[\##//##}/                                                
         ++///~~\//_                                                 
          \\ \ \ \  \_                                               
          /  /    \                                                  

#2018: BLU

Sat, 2005 Jan 1

                                           |.                                
                                          /_\                                
                              o          |___|                               
                             (+)        /_____\                              
                    ()       /_\        |=====|                              
                    ||      (___)       |_____|        _________      _______
                   /__\      |.|          |.|         /         \   __| S N |
_                  |__|      |o|  _|_  _  |.|   _    /___________\  | |: : :|
|   0    __   +     ||_     _|_|__|#|_/_\ |.|  / \_  |[] [] [] []|__|_|: : :|
|   |   |__| _|__  _|| |_  /      |#| |:|_|.|_/____\ |[] [] [] []|    |: : :|
|_._|_/\/\/\/____\/______\/_______|#|_|:| |.| | [] |_|[] [] [] []|  __|_____|
|_____|_|_|_|____|________|_______|_|_|_|_|_|_|____|_|__H__H__H__|_|__|_____|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
=============================================================================
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
JB                                                                           
               PLEASE TAKE NOTE: I HEARD BLU IS JUST A MOOD                  

#2383: YUSUF ISLAM

Sun, 2006 Jan 1

islam

       _____                                                            
      j_____j    YOU KNOW IF I CONVERTED TO ISLAM I'D BE SURE TO GIVE   
     /_____/_\   MYSELF A NAME THAT ACTUALLY CONTAINED THE WORD "ISLAM" 
     |_(~)_| |                                                          
     | )"( | |   BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT MORON WITH NO ORIGINALITY 
     |(@_@)| |   OR CLEVERNESS AT ALL                                   
hnjw |_____|,'                                                          
                 YES I'M TALKING TO YOU "CAT STEVENS"                   
                                                                        
                 AND THAT WASN'T EVEN YOUR REAL NAME EITHER FAGMONSTER  
                                                                        
                 BLAH BLAH BLAH I'M CAT STEVENS 9/11 WAS A JEWISH       
                 CONSPIRACY AND THE HOLOCAUST DIDN'T HAPPEN             
                                                                        
                 DOOT DEE DOO SINGING GAY SONGS AND HEILING HITLER      
                                                                        
                 NEXT UP: YOUR NAME BEING FEATURED ON THE BACK OF A MILK
                 CARTON                                                 

#2748: PRICKS

Mon, 2007 Jan 1

                          |                                          
      (_)             \   ___                                        
   _ / ",                /RRRb                                       
./( (  )             -   | MMN   WHEN I GO TO SLEEP I DREAM OF PRICKS
  f^~Y^|                  \MMM                                       
  ~  ^ ^                 /^--^\                                      
                        |      |   AND THEN WAKE UP AND YEP:         
                        | ^    |    PRICKS THERE TOO                 
                        ~>     <                                     
                         |      \                                    
                         i      |                                    
                                    mOm                              

#3113: 9/11 TRUTHER

Tue, 2008 Jan 1

911, truther

                  ,-------------------.                                      
                ,'                    ;   I'M A 9/11 TRUTHER                 
              ,'                    .'|                                      
            ,'                    .'# |                                      
          ,'                    .'# # |888                                   
          :-------------------.'# # # |)(888)   -  -  \                      
          | # # # # # # # # # | # # # |8888)(8)  \  .  ,                     
          | # # # # # # # # # | # # # |88)(88)  \  -  .  \                   
       '  | # # # # # # # # # | # # # |8)(88)  =   \  -                      
   |  / - , # ####### # # # # | # # # |(8)   .  /  -  \  ,                   
-   / , .   ############# # # | # # # |   ] _  \  ,  -                       
  \  -  ,  "################# | # # # |                                      
 -  .  /  \ /############## # | # # # |                                      
         .  - / # # # # # # # | # # # |   OH YOU MEAN THEY CAUGHT IT ON VIDEO
          | # # # # # # # # # | # # # |                                      
          | # # # # # # # # # | # # # |   OH THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING         
          | # # # # # # # # # | # # #                                        
          | # # # # # # # # # | # #       GOLLY                              
          | # # # # # # # # # | #                                            
metallo   | # # # # # # # # # |                                              

#3479: HAPPY NEW YEAR

Thu, 2009 Jan 1

    MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS
     TO CONTINUE BEING AWESOME 
                               
          __      _.._         
       .-'__`-._.'.--.'.__.,   
      /--'  '-._.'    '-._./   
     /__.--._.--._.'``-.__/    
     '._.-'-._.-._.-''-..'     
jgs                            
                               
    THIS MESSAGE WAS BROUGHT   
        TO YOU BY BACON        

#3844: ATTACK OF MY BALLS

Fri, 2010 Jan 1

     .------.         .------.                                      
   .'      //`.     .'        `.     IT'S THE ATTACK OF MY BALLS    
  /       //   \   /            \                                   
 |       //     : |    ......:::::                                  
 :      //      | :::::''''''    |                                  
  \    //      /   \            /    (ARGUABLY THE WORST 50S MONSTER
   `._//    _.'     `._      _.'      MOVIE EVER)                   
AsH  `"----"'         `"----"'                                      
                                     (OKAY NOT AS BAD AS PLAN 9 FROM
                                      OUTER SPACE BECAUSE AT LEAST  
                                      THERE WERE BALLS)             

#4209: PHILANTHROPY

Sat, 2011 Jan 1

           .-```-._                           
         ,'_,^./`._>                          
           :   o_)     I'M A NEWBORN CHICK    
           |   /_`.                           
           ;  : \        GIVE ME MONEY OR ELSE
          /   |  \                            
         :/  ,:   )                           
       /`(  (,'\/`/\                          
      :   `--`      :                         
      |             | _.-'\                   
      :             ;(___,'                   
       \           /     ,--..___             
,---..__`-._____.-' SSt `--.____,'            
\__,--._(                                     

#4574: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

Sun, 2012 Jan 1

                                 .''.             HAPPY NEW YEAR             
       .''.             *''*    :_\/_:     .                                 
      :_\/_:   .    .:.*_\/_*   : /\ :  .'.:.'.   HERE'S TO HOPING THIS IS   
  .''.: /\ : _\(/_  ':'* /\ *  : '..'.  -=:o:=-   THE LAST GODDAMN ONE       
 :_\/_:'.:::. /)\*''*  .|.* '.\'/.'_\(/_'.':'.'   WHEN I HAVE TO SEE         
 : /\ : :::::  '*_\/_* | |  -= o =- /)\    '  *   DICK CLARK ON MY FUCKING TV
  '..'  ':::'   * /\ * |'|  .'/.\'.  '._____                                 
      *        __*..* |  |     :      |.   |' .---"|                         
       _*   .-'   '-. |  |     .--'|  ||   | _|    |                         
    .-'|  _.|  |    ||   '-__  |   |  |    ||      |                         
    |' | |.    |    ||       | |   |  |    ||      |                         
 ___|  '-'     '    ""       '-'   '-.'    '`      |____                     
jgs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                     

#4940: PART OF THE SOLUTION

Tue, 2013 Jan 1

      _,.,.__,--.__,-----.                                                 
   ,""   '))              `.   THIS TAPIR TOLD ME I COULDN'T HAVE ANY CANDY
 ,'   e                    ))                                              
(  .='__,                  ,   DEAR TAPIR,                                 
 `~`     `-\  /._____,/   /    IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION          
          | | )    (  (   ;    THEN YOU'RE PART OF THE TARGETS             
          | | |    / / / /                                                 
  vvVVvvVvVVVvvVVVvvVVvVvvvVvPhSv                                          

#5305: FOR THE WORLD IS HOLLOW III (HAPPY NEW YEAR)

Wed, 2014 Jan 1

star trek

                                                                     
                       FOR THE WORLD IS HOLLOW                       
                                                                     
              )     )                                                
    ,-     ) /| .-='_._)                       .                 __.-
    \     (_( '/ / / /                       .   .  .        _.-'    
    ,--.    )   ' ' -              .    . :. .. ___...--..--' . .    
   /(p) `--'          _..---...___.  ..:.:..x="::.:. ..     :        
  /\     .--.___..---"            `"-===.::/::::...  ..   a8888a     
 / _)---'                             .  `x:. .  ...     J8P "88b    
<./                                      . \..  ..       `YdP 888b   
                 /                         /           ____  88888   
         `  |\/\ \/                        F  .      :':    `88888   
   _ \   |  |     \/           ____        \         : |     |8888   
  /   \  |            a88P     \` /         L  .     : )     |888 :  
  \_   \               88       ).\        .|        | (     |88 :.  
    /   \/             88b     .'  \        J        | )     |8 .    
  \/                  d888    J:    \      . L       | (     |8  :   
                     d8888b ..8b,__./---._  .|       | )     |8.a    
       _..___  ______"8888PP""' _...-----^\ .|.      | (     |888    
   _.a/8888) ""----...___...,aad          J..|.      | )     |88. .  
.a888(88888|         /d888\88888          |.:|:.     | (     |8..    
88888b?888:|         \8888|88888 .o       |::|:.     | )     |8. ,   
888888|888:J      .o |8888|88888          |._|::.    | (     |8:..   
888888|8888:L        JPPPP`??888L_______..J.::::.    | )     |8 (    
888888|88888|        |___..-===+/    |( . .:. .`-._  | |     |8 Jb   
888888`YP888L__....-'                | ) .         `--='   _.|8bd8   
88Paa+. \|   ")|"PPPPPP8888aaaa+++...|/    _.._  _.---...-'  )88P  . 
88P          ( |                          (__.-)'            '8:  .  
8888888aaaa++.\|                     .-.    .-'  __           .`-.   
"""""""''      '   .-._.-.          /   )   `---'  )           .: `-.
      _.-.         `-.    \      ,-'   (_.-.__..--'        .  . .:   
...--'    )      _.-._)    `-.--'                                 .  
         (_.-._.'                                    a:f         .   
                                                                     
                      AND I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT                      

FART BACK
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
CHAT#AAF @ EFnet on IRC
FOLLOW NEW!Conspiracy Duck @ Twitter
TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Tue, 2020 Jul 14)
MORE STUFF Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery, The ASCII Art Universe