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#161: HEAD

Thu, 1999 Dec 2

        ___            
       /---\           
      | @ @:|  HEAD PLZ
      |  " :|          
       \_-_/           
     _.d._.b.__        
 +"i\  |\_/|  /i"+     
 [_| \ |   | / |_]     
.' |  ):===:(  | `.    
|:.'+-" | | "-+`.:|    
|_| |-. |_|   | |_|    
\:\ |-' /+\   ! |:|    
 \ \|n._\+/_.n| / /    
  \XT::::-::::T/ /     
   "l-. `"' .-lXX      
    |: \   / :|        
    |:  i-i  :|        
    |:  | |  :| LS     
    |:  | |  :|        
   \|;_ | |__;|/       
    (__() ()__)        
    |:  | |  :|        
                       

#527: IF MY WANG WASN'T OUT

Sat, 2000 Dec 2

     _________________________   I'D MAKE A MORE CONVINCING FEMALE
    (, ______________________ ) IMPERSONATOR IF MY WANG WASN'T OUT
    | |                      ||                                   
    | |          @@@@        ||            @@@@      O            
    | |        @@@@@@@       ||          @@@@@@@    o             
    | |         @@ - -       ||          - @@@@    .              
    | |          @  c/       ||         '_ @@@                    
    | |        _@| |_        ||         __\@ \@                   
    | |       ( \ )/_\ /_    ||  _\\  (/ ) @\_/)                  
    | |        \ \|) / \)    ||   |(__/ /     /|                  
    | |        |\_/ ( -/     ||    \___/ ----/_|                  
    | |        /     \       ||       ,:   '(                     
    | |       :    _/|       ||       |:     \                    
    | |       :   u  |       ||       |:      )                   
    | |       :      |       ||       |:      |                   
    | |_______'____,_|_______||       |_____,_|                   
.---('________________________)--.     |   / (                    
|____          __________       _|     |  /\  )                   
 |___|   -o-  |       |__|  -o- |      (  \| /                    
 |___|   -o-  |       |__|  -o- |      |  /'=.                    
b'ger|________|       |__|______|      '=>/  \                    
                                      /  \ /|/                    
                                    ,___/|                        

#892: NANCY

Sun, 2001 Dec 2

      ..,,,,,,,,,,,,,..                                                    
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$$b `$F :$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b.`$$$F         .   MY VAGINA IS     .
$$$r ?F :$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P?"$$$$$^""""?=`?$$L        .     BROKEN         .
$$$$  $ `$$$$$$"""        .d$$$$$$$eeee..."$$b.      .                    .
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$$$$$ $  3$$$d$$$$$$$$$P?P"??P$$$$$ ??" =   4$$$.    .    PLEASE BUY      .
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$$$$b$F  $$$$$$$P?".e.  ..- -4$$$$$$$$$L. $$$L ?$L     .                 ' 
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#1257: WTF

Mon, 2002 Dec 2

crucicaption, jesus

             .======.             
             |      |             
             | WTF  |             
             |      |             
    .========'      '========.    
    |   _      xxxx      _   |    
    |  /_;-.__ / _\  _.-;_\  |    
    |     `-._`'`_/'`.-'     |    
    '========.`\   /`========'    
             | |  / |             
             |/-.(  |             
             |\_._\ |             
             | \ \`;|             
             |  > |/|             
             | / // |             
             | |//  |             
             | \(\  |             
             |  ``  |             
             |      |             
             |      |             
             |      |             
             |      |             
 \\jgs _  _\\| \//  |//_   _ \// _
^ `^`^ ^`` `^ ^` ``^^`  `^^` `^ `^

#1622: HENRY IV

Tue, 2003 Dec 2

henry*

         _.-+.           DEAR SIRS,                                    
    _.-""     '.                                                       
+:""            '.       I WROTE TO YOU SOMETIME LAST YEAR REGARDING   
J \               '.     MY ASCII CUBE (LEFT). AT THE TIME, YOU WERE   
 L \             _.-+    NOT INTERESTED. AT THE END OF 2003, I POLITELY
 |  '.       _.-"   |    REQUEST THAT YOU CONSIDER MY CUBE FOR         
 J    \  _.-"       L    INCLUSION IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF NEW YORKER     
  L    +"          J     MAGAZINE. OTHERWISE IF I GET ANOTHER GODDAMN  
  +    |           |     YELLOW NOTE I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING    
   \   |          .+     ASSES!!! THAT'S RIGHT ASSHOLES I'M TOTALLY    
    \  |       .-'       OFF PROBATION NOW AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM  
     \ |    .-'          DISTRIBUTING LEAFLETS ABOUT MY CAUSE OR       
      \| .-'             ORGANIZING PROTESTS IN FRONT OF YOUR HOMES!!@ 
       +                                                               
                         FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU,                     
                                                                       
                         HENRY                                         
                                                                       
P.S. IT'S TOTALLY BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I RETURNED A PLAYSTATION         
CARTRIDGE TO BLOCKBUSTER LATE                                          

#1988: WHAT IS FAT

Thu, 2004 Dec 2

         _.--._                               
      ,'        `.   JOHN GOODMAN IS FAT (FYI)
     /   __) __`  \                           
    (   (`-`(-')   )                          
    /)  \   _  /  (                           
   /'    )-._.' .  \ ___                      
  (  ,--.,    `.)___(___)                     
   )(   /-.,--'\   _ \X/`                     
  '/ .'/        \ (  Uu")\                    
    / /          \ `/,-'  )                   
   ( ^      ,    ,^ )`._.'                    
    ( `.   Y   .'  )                          
     \  `. )\.'   / )                         
     )`._.'=='._.' (                          
    /               )   Ojo/VK/FS/ejm         
   (                ."-.                      
  /(`    -)        /    \                     
 (  \`-.__    -'_."      `                    
 |  \`-.__.--"v"          |                   
 `.'      \   |,          ,                   
  /        `._/           :                   
 /           |           '                    
/           /|          /                     
           / |         /                      

#2353: STROGGOS WAR

Fri, 2005 Dec 2

quake

              .-.                                                       
              | |____________________________________________________   
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _| |                                                  .'`. 
|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |-mbfh-------------------------------------------.'****>
`.            | |_______________________________________________.'***.' 
  `.        .'| |                                               `**'    
    `-.___.'  `-'  I WONDER IF THE STROGGS REALIZE THEY'RE     .'*`.    
                   HURTING OUR FEELINGS !?!!??!!?              `._.' .  
                                                               .   .'*`.
                     MAYBE IF WE GAVE INTO THEIR DEMANDS     .'*`. `._.'
                     THEY'D LEAVE US ALONE ?!?!?!?!                     
                                                                        
                       I WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR KUCINICH                  

#2718: DON'T LIKE ANAL

Sat, 2006 Dec 2

porn

        ___                                                   
    .-"`   `"-.                                               
  .'    .-.    '.                                             
 /     (/^\)     \                                            
/  #   (\ /)      \    Q: HOW CAN YOU TELL GIRLS IN PORN DON'T
| #    .-'-.      |       LIKE ANAL                           
|     /(_I_)\     |                                           
;     \\) (//     ;                                           
 ;     / Y \     ;                                            
  \    \ | /    /                                             
   \    \|/    /                                              
    \   /|\   /                                               
     |  \|/  |         A: BECAUSE IT GOES IN THEIR BUTT, DUH  
     |__/Y\__|                                                
     {=======}                                                
     }======={                                                
     {=======}                                                
     }======={                                                
  jgs{=======}                                                
      `""u""`                                                 

#3083: GLOBAL WARMING

Sun, 2007 Dec 2

                        ,-------.                 /                      
                      ,'         `.           ,--'                       
                    ,'             `.      ,-;--        _.-              
                   /                 \ ---;-'  _.=.---''                 
 +-------------+  ;    X        X     ---=-----'' _.-------              
 |    -----    |--|                   \-----=---:i-                      
 +XX|'i:''''''''  :                   ;`--._ ''---':----                 
 /X+-)             \   \         /   /      ''--._  `-                   
.XXX|)              `.  `.     ,'  ,'             ''---.                 
  X\/)                `.  '---'  ,'                     `-               
    \                   `---+---'                                        
     \                      |                                            
      \.                    | eb                                         
        `-------------------+                                            
                                                                         
    CAN WE FAST FORWARD TO THE TIME IN THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE WHEN    
    GLOBAL WARMING WILL HAVE FLOODED EVERYTHING AND KILLED US ALL BECAUSE
    I'M ALREADY REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF HEARING PEOPLE WHINE ABOUT IT    

#3449: A PETITION TO CONGRESS FOR A REDRESS OF GRIEVANCES

Tue, 2008 Dec 2

daylight savings, petition

      __                                                                 
     .;_.'\                                                              
    / ' \ /,                                                             
   Y  |  Y |     DEAR CONGRESS OF THESE FUCKING UNITED STATES,           
   |- Q -| |                                                             
   |   \ | |     DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IS ALREADY PLENTY FUCKED UP ENOUGH
  .^\_,_/^./~|                                                           
 |~~~~~~~~~| |   LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE OR GET IT OFF THE BOOKS         
 ||~~~;~~~|| |                                                           
 ||   ;)c:|| |   BUT STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH IT YOU FUCKING FUCKS       
 || '(;   || |                                                           
 ||   ;)' || |   SIGNED, THE UNITED STATES OF FUCKING AMERICA            
 ||  {;}  || |                                                           
 ||   ;)' || |                                                           
 ||:a(;   || |                                                           
 ||   ;)' || |                                                           
 |'~~~~~~~'|/^\                                                          
.^~~~~~~~~~^\./                                                          
~~~~~~~~~~~~~'                                                           
 PjP                                                                     

#3814: SPACE BUS

Wed, 2009 Dec 2

  ______________________                                                
 |,----.,----.,----.,--.\      ALL ABOARD THE SPACE BUS TO JUPITER !!!!!
 ||    ||    ||    ||   \\                                              
 |`----'`----'|----||----\`.    GAS / BONK / ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ            
 [            |   -||- __|(|                                            
 [  ,--.      |____||.--.  |   100,000 YEARS LATER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 =-(( `))-----------(( `))==                                            
jrei`--'             `--'       ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ                           

#4179: BLUE OYSTER CULT

Thu, 2010 Dec 2

lyrics

                   ,__,                                    
            _.-----/6 6)                                   
         ,-'     / .='=.                                   
        /     _./ /_-._,..    DON'T FEAR THE RAPER         
     _.-|  \.'|,:=._::,,_.                                 
   .'_.-'\  |//..=                                         
 ,'.'    / /_:.'.             ON SECOND THOUGHT ACTUALLY   
 ::      `,.,'    :                                        
::       ///     ::           DEFINITELY FEAR THE RAPER    
::     ,///      ::                                        
 ::   `. /      ::                                         
 `:`-./ /   _.-'.'            IN FACT RUN NOW WHILE YOU CAN
   `-._`---'_.-'                                           
   ,/ /:---'                                               
  `. //                       SERIOUSLY RUN NOW            
::/ //       l42                                           
 / |||                                                     

#4544: FUSION CUISINE

Fri, 2011 Dec 2

                                .-'''''-.                            
                                |'-----'|    GO FIGURE: TWO TASTES   
                               /`-.....-`\   THAT YOU'D NEVER THINK  
                               | <_}     |   WOULD GO TOGETHER ......
                               |  .-\-.  |   ........................
            _,._               | /# `  \ |   ........................
       __.-`    `"""-.         | \     / |   .... OFTEN FUCKING DON'T
  ..--'   `"-.        `)_,._   \  '-'-'  /                           
(`            )--.-"```     `"-.`'-----'`                            
 '-----------'  (               )            THANKS "FUSION" CUISINE 
 jgs                  `-------------`        A.K.A. BULLSHIT         

#4910: TERRIBLE BIRTHDAY CAKE

Sun, 2012 Dec 2

                 \\\ ,                                                 
                  \ `|                                                 
                   ) (   .-""-.                                        
                   | |  /_  {  '.                                      
                   | | (/ `\   } )                                     
                   | |  ^/ ^`}   {                                     
                   \  \ \=  ( {   )     I'D LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT     
                    \  \ '-, {   {{     THIS BIRTHDAY CAKE BECAUSE     
                     \  \_.'  ) }  )    WE ORDERED WHITE CAKE WITH     
                      \.-'   (     (    VANILLA FROSTING NOT ***FISH***
                      @  .'   ) (  }                                   
                      \_( @  {   _/\                                   
                       ) '--' `-;\  \                                  
                   _.-'       /  / /                                   
            <\/>_.'         .'  / /                                    
        <\/></\>/.  '      /<\// /                                     
        </\>  _ |\`- _ . -/|<// (                                      
     <\/>    - _- `\  _.-'_/- |  \                                     
     </\>        -  - -  -     \\\                                     
      }`<\/>                <\/>`{                                     
      { </\>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-</\> }                                     
      }      </\> </\> </\>      {                                     
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    {`<\/>                     <\/>`}                                  
    } </\>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-</\> {                                  
    {      </\> </\> </\> </\>      }                                  
    }                               }                                  
    {           H A P P Y           {                                  
 <\/>        B I R T H D A Y        <\/>                               
 </\>                               </\>                               
   `<\/>                          <\/>'                                
jgs </\>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-</\>                                 
         </\> </\> </\> </\> </\>                                      

#5275: DVD

Mon, 2013 Dec 2

porn

                      :+""  ~<<::""+:                    
                 +Xi<<<<!<  `<<!?!<<<HMti%L              
            :?HMMMM:<<<!<~ <<<!X<<<!MM$$MMh?x            
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                !X*MM<<<<H!<<`  <?<<<<<)!     BA         
                     "+:uX!<<< .::+""                    
                                                         
     FOLKS I JUST MASTURBATED TO A DVD !!!!!!!11         
                                                         
     YES THOSE THINGS STILL EXIST                        
                                                         
                                                         
     A BUCK OH FIVE                                      

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TOYS
FACTOIDS
  • number of strips: 5372
  • first strip created on: Fri, 1999 Jun 25 (14.7 years ago)
  • number of upcoming strips: 0 (0.0 weeks' worth; empty on Tue, 2023 Feb 21)
MORE STUFF Jerk Your Own Adventure, oo, Jerkcity, Viscera!, Her!, Those Drinky-Drink Kids, Exploding Dog, Penny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comics, Cyanide and Happiness, Nedroid Comics, Wondermark
MORE ASCII ART Andreas Freise's ASCII Art Dictionary, alt.ascii-art FAQ, Open Directory: ASCII Art, Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection, Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery, The ASCII Art Universe